are we locked and loaded?

After sprinting up the wait list ladder from early May to late June, we have officially come to a steady halt. There has been no movement in almost two months. We still remain officially #16, and unofficially (we think) #10 with 6 families on hold in front of us. I'm not even sure how I feel about it....resigned, I suppose.

I do know that it has to be easier to wait for a child BEFORE the referral rather than the waiting after we've been matched and have seen his little face. Knowing this keeps things in perspective. I don't want to think about the waiting AFTER the referral. I know it will test me in ways beyond what I can imagine.

It's hard to get too discouraged when sweet Kysa fills our days, but honestly, after now being in this process for over a year it feels incredibly nebulous. Our friends and neighbors are having babies we imagined would be about the same age as our baby boy...but we're just not sure now. I've allowed myself to buy a few things for Mamoosh so that he stays REAL not just some fantasy. But I do find myself wondering sometimes if it will ever happen....

We did get a hint of good news this week in an email from our adoption coordinator. Here's the quick message:

Just wanted to let you know that your dossier was sent today to Ethiopia. Once it has arrived, it will be translated and wait to be matched with a referral.

I guess that means they're getting us locked and loaded.

Fredrik did ask our coordinator directly why there have been so few referrals and this is her answer:

The regional MOWA in one of the regions we work in has been slow to approve any paperwork as they just finished inspecting all the orphanages in that region. The regional MOWA closed many orphanages, none of which we worked with, so the MOWA is having to take care of relocating the children from those orphanages. Our staff reports to us that the regional MOWA is experiencing a ‘back-lash’ from all the changes that they are trying to implement. They feel it is temporary and should be resolved soon. We do work with another orphanage in a different region and are slowly giving out referrals from them (although mostly older children).

*MOWA is Ministry Of Women's Affairs

We're hoping that once MOWA gets the children from the closed care centers into their new care centers that the referrals will pick back up again.

Please keep all the children being shuffled around in your thoughts and prayers...they all deserve Forever Homes.

Namaste.
Allison

I am not enough...

I've been procrastinating. Writing this post means having to put my feelings into words, and I haven't wanted to turn the images and fears that haunt my dreams and waking hours into coherent thoughts.

While I was pregnant with Kysa, every meal I ate became a gift to my growing child...it was the only real gift I could give her on a daily basis along with sending her thoughts of love and providing a stress free environment for her growth and development. Every locally grown salad, bowl of organic berries, or whole wheat bread became a gift of love to her. I, alone could provide my child nutrition, love and safety. It was so easy and simple. It was empowering to feel that I was enough...

This week we watched the nightly news during our dinner time. The images from the Horn of Africa bring our conversation to a halt and we stop eating as Fredrik and I retreat into ourselves to listen, watch and process. After the segment is over I busy myself with Kysa and Fredrik begins to clear the plates. Dinner is over. I'm feeling physically ill. We avoid each others' gaze, but I feel Fredrik watching me to see if I'm okay. When I can breathe again I initiate the conversation, and we begin to process the information together moving from general concern for the entire region to the very personal. This has been our nightly dance.

And while waiting for our son is hard enough, the famine in Ethiopia and surrounding countries makes the wait excruciating. I just know there is a baby boy who NEEDS us and we are so ready to be his family. We are so willing to help...yet we wait and wait for our number to be called.

I feel utterly powerless. I am not enough...

If you haven't been following the news, please take a look at these images from The Economist posted below. If the people in the images seem far away, foreign and not a part of your world then please consider your connection to me. If you are reading this you are most likely a friend or family member...or also involved in adoption in some way. Please see these people as MY family, because quite simply...they are.

This is what I see:
Every skeletal baby is my son, every desperate yet stoic mother is his birth mother, every defeated man is my son's birth father, every group of weary children are my son's siblings, the masses of people are his fellow countrymen, his tribe, his community....and that makes them mine. It's personal...oh, so personal.

http://www.economist.com/blogs/baobab/2011/08/pictures

Please consider joining Fredrik and me in sending aid to one of these agencies:
IRC (International Rescue Committee) - https://www.rescue.org/donate/drought_africa
World Food Program - https://www.wfp.org/donate/hoa_banners
USAID - http://www.usaid.gov/hornofafrica/
Oxfam - http://www.oxfam.org/en/emergencies/east-africa-food-crisis#donate

We appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and any aid you might send to our family in the Horn of Africa...

Aum Shanti-
Allison