A Sleepy Mama/Happy New Year!

I write this as a way to keep myself awake this New Year's Eve...our party begins at 9, and I'm wondering if this Mama is gonna keep herself awake.

So here's a little review and reflection of our life altering 2010:

Fredrik's first words this morning: "Kysa, today is the last day of the first year you were born." If Kysa hadn't smiled her goofy two-toothed smile, I would have cried. I've never been this nostalgic on a New Year's Eve and I attribute it to the state of being a parent that I call "constantly smiling with tears in your eyes."

In early 2010, I felt time stretch on forever, as my belly seemed to do as well. I felt the raw, powerful surge of divine feminine energy with the natural birth of Kysa. I still marvel at the body's miraculous ability to grow a beautiful little being, and at just the perfect time nudge that little person out into the world. After the most physically and emotionally powerful experience of my life, I then felt my heart split wide open to love in ways I never knew possible, and with that love came the snap of time that makes my head swim. Perhaps it was the splitting open of my heart, of all our hearts, that led us down this adoption road so quickly after Kysa's birth. I understand a little bit more about the heart's capacity to love and I trust that our hearts will continue to open wide to a new family member, our little Mamoosh. I just can't wait to see his face...

2010 and Kysa have taught me deeper and simpler ways to be present. Just feeling her breathe as she sleeps on my chest is the greatest of gifts. Midway through 2010 Fredrik and I made a commitment to ourselves, our planet and our fellow beings to go vegan (no meat or dairy). We haven't been perfect (I still haven't eaten meat:) but we do our best, and have enjoyed our new relationship to food, to each other, and to our planet. We look forward to continuing our vegan diet into 2011...YUM YUM!!

In the meantime, while we enjoy our sweet Kysa and eagerly await our Mamoosh, my New Year's resolutions are:
To be present with the bliss, to soak it up, and not take a day for granted.
To be grateful
To walk softly on Mother Earth.
To love BIG and give BIG
To Swiffer more often and put the laundry away in a timely manner,
...and to do forearm stand without a wall:)

Happy New Year All!
May 2011 be a year of boundless possibilities and joy.
/Allison

Cookin' With Gas

"Cookin' with gas" is a phrase one of my favorite and most influential dance teachers, Alyson Colwell Waber, used when things really got moving in the dance studio. It best describes the swirling kinetic energy when sweat is flowing freely, when everyone is in "the zone" and when progress is clearly being made.

Well, I think it's safe to say: we're cookin' with gas. We've completed our homestudy, we dragged our baby girl to a correctional institute so we both could get fingerprinted, we've signed our names at least a thousand times and had the signatures notarized. We've answered tough questions and tedious questions. We've had to remember and document ALL the places we've both lived and prove we're not criminals, sex offenders, or parents to other children. We've had bloodwork and physicals, we've recorded our finances, and we've taken pictures of our home. We've organized and made stacks, and stacks, and stacks of papers....and then copied all of them....and then mailed the originals.

We're far from the end, and have several weeks waiting on the FBI and other government agencies, but this feels good. Really good. We're seeing the light at the end of the paperwork tunnel.

Special thanks to my parents who gave us a WHOLE UNINTERRUPTED DAY to work together. The perfect Christmas gift. Thank you.

And, just because...here's a picture of our Christmas Angel.

Another 5,499,999

"Who was going to raise 5.5 million children?

Who was teaching 5.5 million children how to swim? Who was signing 5.5 million permission slips for school field trips? Who packed 5.5 million school lunches? Who cheered at 5.5 million soccer games? Who was going to buy 5.5 million pairs of sneakers that light up when you jump? Backpacks? Toothbrushes? 5.5 million pairs of socks? Who will tell 5.5 million bedtime stories? Who will quiz 5.5 million children on Thursday nights for their Friday morning spelling tests? 5.5 million trips to the dentist? 5.5 million birthday parties? Who will wake in the middle of the night in response to 5.5 million nightmares?

Who will offer grief counseling to 5.5 million children? Who will help them avoid lives of servitude or prostitution? Who will pass on to them the traditions of culture and religion, of history and government, or craft and profession? Who will help them grow up, chose the right person to marry, find work, and learn to parent their own children?"
Source: "There is no me without you", Melissa Fay Greene (the book references sub-sahara number of 'twelve' million replaced here by '5.5' to represent Ethiopia specifically)

Who will believe in these 5.5 million kids? I was absolutely struck reading this tonight.

And, that number (5.5 million) represents only an estimate of orphans in Ethiopia. Try searching for sub-Saharan, African or global statistics and I promise you that you can hardly fathom the numbers. How can we even make sense about the difference between 5, 10, 25, 50, 100 million?

I'll be the first to tell you, I can't. It's even hard in some ways to feel proud that we are in process to adopt only 1. One of 5.5 million. Even harder when you acknowledge that the *best* solution for these kids is really to be with their parents, their extended families, in their country... if only that were a viable option.

But, I do feel proud. Honored, even. I'll be a Father to our young boy at the end of this process. One boy. Our boy. I know that at least our little Mamoosh and Kysa will always have me to read them that bedtime story.

/ fredrik

We found our Ethiopian wise man in Spain...

It's been a while since we've posted. We've been busy, busy. We took Kysa on her first international trip to Milan and Madrid. She was amazingly happy ALL the time, especially on the plane, much more than her parents were. She also didn't seem bothered by the time change or jet lag. I guess this is one of the benefits of not having her on a specific schedule, she just went with the flow and slept when we slept.

It feels good to have an international trip under our belts with an infant, although I know how to distract and comfort Kysa. I'm sure it could be a different story with Mamoosh (Amharic word for baby), but nevertheless the experience gives me a bit of confidence.

One of the things I wanted to get in Spain was a nativity scene. I know in Spain the three wise men are cherished and celebrated AND they observe that one of the kings was from Ethiopia; King Balthazar who bore frankincense. I found an adorable nativity scene at the Mercado San Miguel. So I'm super happy to report that we now have an Ethiopian presence in our house. He's tiny, kingly and cute, and yes, he's black....and he has a place of honor on our table.

Fredrik has since informed me that the 3 wise men were actually 12 Chinese men...but I'm not sure where he gets his facts.

We had the last of our blood work done today and the social worker comes tomorrow morning for part 1 of our homestudy. I probably should be on my hands and knees scrubbing the shower or organizing my sock drawer...

But since I am procrastinating, it is with great joy I present to you,
King Balthazar of Ethiopia via Spain
(I kinda have a crush on him):

Smitten

This weekend we met Eli. He is 3 and charming. He likes to put objects on his head that make him look like a spaceman. He plays a mean game of Candyland, and a very strategic and giggly game of Hot Potato. He's articulate, happy, and affectionate. He speaks multiple languages and can do cartwheels, and he seemed to have boundless energy. He's sweet, curious and loving. We watched as Kysa took a nap, and Eli went over to check her out and gently pat her on the head. He also knows exactly where he came from: "Ethiopia which is in Africa."

My dear friends, Maggie and Michael (who adopted their daughter, Niya, from China in 2004), hosted a cozy get together on Sunday to allow Fredrik, Kysa and I to meet Eli and his truly lovely parents, Lisa and Maurice. We picked their brains and hung on every word of their story to adopt Eli. They showed us pictures and shared memories, insights and opinions. My good friend, David, was there as well, who also adopted his daughter from China in 2004. Fredrik and I felt that we'd stepped into, and were warmly embraced by a new community...the international adoption community. I felt like I was in a room with kindred spirits, and I feel even more confirmed that we are on the right path.

And did I mention Lisa (Eli's mom) is Swedish? Like born in Sweden Swedish. She and Eli almost sang us a Swedish children's song but Eli had a little performance anxiety. Maybe next time...But how COOL is that?

I think Sunday will serve as a milestone for us. Seeing Eli and his family, we can now picture a little more clearly what our family will look like someday. We were smitten with Eli, and now we're even more excited about our growing family...if that's even possible.

Thanks again, Maggie, Michael and Niya!!

Velma and the Victory Garden

Three years ago today Fredrik and I were surrounded by friends and family from all over the world who came to celebrate our nuptials. It was the most FUN day of my life. Yay us! I can't believe 3 years have gone by in a flash. I can't believe all that's changed in 3 years. It's hard to believe we now have a baby, a dog, a car, a house, and live in a neighborhood where our neighbors hang out because we're friends, we borrow each others ladders and plungers, drop off sweet potatoes recovered from our garden plots, take walks with our babies in strollers, and get together to carve pumpkins (yep, that happens tonight!) It's hard to believe in this coming year we'll be bringing home our son. I'm feeling really grown up all of a sudden. I feel like a real MAMA...not just to my own kid, but suddenly I feel responsible to more than just me.

So, back to the anniversary. What to get my handsome groom to commemorate year 3? The customary gift for year 3 is leather. Bad news and kind of inappropriate for a couple stepping into veganism. My plan was to bake him some vegan pumpkin muffins, lame, I know. And then I went to yoga. *Note to self: good things happen when you just go to class.

I walked into the studio, still not content on the muffins and wondering what I could get my husband at Whole Foods. I had a 15 minute window after class before I needed to be home to feed Kysa, but like he really wants a candle or bath salts?! ugh, what to do? So after I signed in, Andrea, one of the amazing directors of the studio asked me four magic words: You want a turkey?

YES!!! please.

So I went over to a stack of pictures she had of turkeys who needed to be adopted at Farm Sanctuary. I looked at pictures of turkeys named Jordan, Reese, and Harley all very regal and white and quite beautiful....and then I saw Velma. She was kind of scraggly, and brown. Not the most regal turkey in the bunch, but she was certainly cute in a tough girl kind of way. Her description said she had been neglected and abandoned on the side of the road. That was it. Velma became Fredrik's newly adopted TURKEY! So much better than a new wallet, or belt, or leathery token of my affection.

I don't think I've ever had so much joy buying a gift. Really. Velma will live out her sweet turkey days at Farm Sanctuary in peace without torture, neglect, horrific living conditions and certainly no slaughter. She will have a place of honor at our Thanksgiving dinner this year...just think a LIVE turkey this year. Thanksliving.

And just when I thought I had outdone myself with my gift to my groom, he surprised me with purchasing the vegetable seed needs for 50 Victory Garden participants in Ethiopia, which is a program for 200 students from the village of Atebes in Ethiopia. Students will be trained annually in growing victory gardens to harvest fruits and vegetables for food and income. The students are taught surface water harvesting which will help reduce the impact of drought, and the victory gardens will provide food to students and families. Oh YAY!!!

Last year I probably would have jumped on the leather train and hinted about a new bag or jacket. Something in me shifted after Kysa was born, and continued to shift now that we're embarking on this adoption journey. My vision has changed, it's not just about me anymore. I'm beginning to see more clearly that we're all in this together...Turkeys, Ethiopian students growing victory gardens, husbands, wives, parents and children, you and me. We're all the same. Really.

LOKAH SAMASTA SUKHINO BHAVANTU
May all beings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.

Happy Anniversary, Fredrik!!! I love you.

This is an actual picture of Velma in all her Turkey glory. May she live a long and happy life. You can read more about her and her inspiring rescue story with the link below. You can even adopt a Turkey too! Believe me, saving a turkey feels much better than eating one!!

http://www.farmsanctuary.org/rescue/rescues/2010/daphne_velma.html

Our latest homework

A little insight into our process...below is a question (and our response) we were asked on one of our MANY applications. I thought this might answer questions some of you might have as to WHY we're embarking on this adventure and give you a small peek into the process. It's also a bit funny to see how two verbose people crammed 5 loaded questions into 2 paragraphs.

Why do you wish to adopt a child from Ethiopia?

(1-2 paragraphs)

· You can mention the steps that brought you to adoption

· You can mention what made you decide to adopt a child from Ethiopia

· What are your strengths as a couple/parents

· How you will keep the Ethiopian culture with you child

· Something about providing education for the child

Our path to adoption ironically began with some sad news. Before our daughter Kysa was born, we had a miscarriage and were naturally devastated. We know this is completely normal, but it also opened our eyes to the fact that we didn’t care if we had biological or adopted children, we just wanted to be parents. We went to an international adoption workshop to learn more. Since we are already an international family, we felt that an international adoption just makes sense for our family. Fredrik was born in Sweden and Allison in the United States. Together we have a strong global outlook having both traveled all over the world, and with friends and family who live all over the world. We were very moved by the large number of orphans in Ethiopia, but we were also inspired by the great care and love these orphans receive in the orphanages. Even though we have been very blessed with a biological daughter, we are still recognizing our calling to adopt from Ethiopia.

Our strengths as parents to an adopted child come from our love of children, our interest in blending the beauty of our own cultures (Swedish, American, and now Ethiopian), and our desire to teach openness, exploration and tolerance in all things. We look forward to incorporating Ethiopian cuisine, holidays, music, and customs into our family traditions. As a family, we value higher education, as well as the non-academic educational experiences we have both benefited from during our lives including sports, the arts, and travel. Before becoming a mother, Allison taught literacy and dance to children in the New York City schools and has also worked with students throughout the USA, Mexico and Turkey. Before becoming a father, Fredrik received his MBA in International Business and has worked and studied in countries all around the world. He now works for a global technology company, IBM. As parents, we will make sure our children receive the best academic education possible, but we will also give them many opportunities to observe and explore the experiences around us every day whether that be cooking, reading or gardening at home, socializing in our diverse neighborhood, or traveling to far beyond. We look forward to being very involved in our children's education by volunteering in their schools. Currently we plan for our children to attend Mitchell Montessori starting at age 3. The school is walking distance from our home. We live in a very racially diverse neighborhood, and we acknowledge the importance of providing our son a very diverse environment where he can grow and thrive, honor his heritage, and feel acceptance from those around him. We are so blessed and excited to one day soon bring our son home.

Full Time Job

Fredrik comes home tomorrow. I am SO glad. I've arrived at a new level of exhaustion, even though Kysa and Lexi have been really easy this week. Regardless, this mommy needs a break. 8 days of single parenting...eye opening. My respect and heart goes out to all you single moms out there. I am glad to know that I CAN do it alone (at least for a week), I'm just thankful that I don't have to.

I'm also realizing that the paperwork part of the adoption is going to be a full time job. For me. Did I mention that having a baby sucked out the detail oriented part of my brain and replaced it with spontaneous singing, cooing and gooing? This could be interesting.

This week that Fredrik has been gone was spent researching homestudy agencies (we finally have one now), having a phone meeting again with Gladney to give me an overview of the entire process detail by detail which thoroughly overwhelmed me. By the end of the conversation it sounded to me like she was saying...'Then you need to send the form to President Obama, but only after the Pope has sprinkled it with holy water, but don't send it to the Pope until we give you notice that Santa Claus has not added you to his naughty list, and before you do any of this make sure you send us a check." Yes, thankfully it's all written down somewhere in our manual.

I look forward to having a few uninterrupted hours to work on this when Fredrik gets home....but being distracted by serious cuteness isn't so bad either.

A Small Forest

Fredrik is out of the country, and I'm managing Kysa and Lexi alone for a week. We're all doing great, especially with the help of our amazing babysitter, Natalie, who comes for a couple hours a day to let me go to yoga. Sanity helps.

Gladney sent us the dossier manual and the application manual (hundreds of pages) which I somehow managed to print out juggling baby and dog. I also took out a small forest in the process. So sorry Mother Earth....we'll try to make it up to you by using 7th Generation Diapers (you know we REALLY tried cloth).

So I sit here, watching my baby who will wake up any minute now and need my attention, and eyeing the mountain of paperwork someone will need to complete to bring our baby boy home. And this isn't just name and address and why do you want a baby paper work....it's serious FBI, US Embassy, dot your i's and cross your t's, thank you very much paper work. yikes.

Nowhere on the application did it ask for a haiku, a silly song, or an essay on chakras. I'm screwed. Fredrik, come home soon.

OK, people...I'm bucking up, ending the procrastination, closing this post and going to snuggle with Kysa and the small forest/adoption manuals on this rainy night. Diving in.

Jumping into the Canyon

What just happened? As Allison said, "I think we just entered the matrix"... yes, yes we did.

We just finished our phone orientation with our Gladney contact, Debra. She's great. Of course, in the midst of this 20 minute call Lexi decides to bark at the neighbors and cause trouble, the phone battery dies after a long day of conference calls, and we eagerly await our food delivery order from Black Bean Co. The only calm soul in the room was sleepy Kysa in Mommy's arms... she's sooo supportive of us finding her baby brother!

That said, we are undoubtedly standing on the edge of a canyon. We look. We see it. It is beautiful and daunting. And, we decide it is still best to jump in it. It is deep. It will hurt. It will take time to reach bottom. It will take more time to climb out the other side. But the stories we can tell will be vast. The experience unique. The views spectacular. And, we will have our baby boy.

Here's to jumping into canyons with eyes wide open!

/ fredrik

Dear Sister

Dear Sister-

The sparkles and confetti of celebration are settling. My thoughts these last few days have been constantly on how our lives are changing and will be changing. I hold and nurse my daughter, and think of how life will change for her when her little brother arrives maybe a year from now. I hold her a little more closely now that I know she won’t be the baby forever…

As friends mentioned upon the announcement of our intention to adopt, the molecules are indeed swirling. I feel as if we have conceived a child in our hearts, and I know with confidence someday we can tell our son he was planned and loved even before he was conceived.

Despite all the positive things we’ll be able to tell our son someday, all the ambitious hopes and dreams for his future, and all the warm feelings of our own good intentions we are indulging in, I know on the other side of the planet you may be struggling. Doing the vague adoption math, we can guess you may be pregnant, or close to getting pregnant. Perhaps you already know you’re pregnant, perhaps you have no idea, or perhaps like me…you knew immediately and are already sick and fatigued and weary with child.

I try to imagine you, and right now you are a cast of characters in my mind: mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife. I think of you as a young teenage girl finding herself in a difficult situation, a mother with too many mouths to feed, a woman victim to violence, rape, HIV/AIDS, hunger, abuse, a woman who may have lost or be loosing her beloved husband, a woman without a home. I think of you, and you are always beautiful, strong, brave and proud. I think of you. I think of you…

I think of you while I fold laundry. I think of you while I drive my car. I think of you while I cook dinner for my family. I think of you and want to look into your eyes, sit with you for a while, hold your hand and tell you everything will be O.K. But I don’t know that everything will be O.K. for you, and this haunts me.

Today in yoga class, my teacher, Jeffery asked us to dedicate our practice to someone else, to offer up our efforts. This type offering is a common practice in class, and most of the time I offer up my efforts to my daughter, Kysa…her name never being far from my lips or thoughts. The last week or so I’ve been dedicating my practice more specifically to my children…born and unborn. Today I dedicated my practice to you. Your face, the one I imagine, appeared to me and there was no question that every breath of my practice would be offered up to you.

I left class and driving across the bridge, suspended over the water, I was still thinking of you and it dawned on me that the one thing I CAN do for you is offer my practice to you every day during this process. Every inhalation and exhalation will be in your honor, every drop of sweat will be shed on your behalf, every hand pressed in prayer lifted for you, every backbend my heart will open for you, and every forward bend I’ll bow to your pain and effort. I’ll think of you when poses become uncomfortable and I want to come out and stretch my legs or release my fatigued muscles. I’ll remember that you don’t have a choice to step out of your discomfort.

I can only hope that in some small way my thoughts and actions will travel along Indra’s web to you like small pearls of comfort in the weeks and months ahead. I don’t know if we will ever physically meet, but I will hold you in my awareness and meet you on the mat daily. And on the mat I will honor the cosmic link to you, the other mother of the son we are both yet to meet.

The divine light in me bows to the divine light in you.

Namaste.

First stop on the Hurry Up and Wait Express

It's Friday, exactly a week after we mailed off our application. We had hoped that we'd have at least completed the orientation by now. I contacted the agency this week and we can't go forward with the orientation until they've processed all the information from our application. Fredrik and I both thought we'd be able to get through the paper work in a timely fashion, but I'm now realizing that it probably has very little to do with how quickly we get our end of the paper work completed.

I really hope we're able to do the orientation next week since Fredrik will be out of the country the following week. Time seems to be flying by, I can see how quickly three weeks could go by and nothing happens. Tick tock.

Other news, I survived my first week of being dairy free and have decided to take it a step further and venture into vegan land....meaning that I'm cutting out meat. I know most folks usually cut out meat first, and then dairy...but I've never been one to do things in order. So far so good. I feel great, and we even ordered pizza tonight (the satsang cheeseless at D'Allesandro's is awesome). I'm giving myself a 3 month goal to start. After three months I'll reassess how I feel, unless it affects my ability to breastfeed Kysa and I'll make immediate changes. Yes, my decision to go Vegan does have something to do with the adoption...I'll explain in a later blog. For now, let's just say it's a combination of medical guidance and attention to ethics.

I also taught my first prenatal yoga class at the Charleston Birth Place this week. It felt great to rejoin the work force even in a small way. It was also sweet to teach something that I feel so passionate about in the place where Kysa was born. Great baby vibes!!!

Kysa's new tricks this week include reaching more and more, squeezing faces, hugging and snuggling her face into our necks when she's tired, sticking things in her mouth, laughing at mommy when I fake cry, and testing the boundaries of her vocal strength. Our kid is loud.

Until next time....C'mon Gladney, we're ready for orientation!!!

Hey little man, it's me... Dad

It's an interesting feeling, now that we have the ball rolling, to realize that you could in fact be conceived by now (or perhaps in the next couple of months). Yet even though you are over 7,000 miles away, somehow we already feel a connection to you. I really mean that.

I think about adoption and it's easy to wonder, how will I relate to you? I've never been mistaken as Ethiopian... although, one of the most famous Swedes living in the USA is "Swedish-Ethiopian-American": Marcus Samuelsson, the head chef of Aquavit and other restaurants in NYC. No pressure. Still, I can't help envision a conversation you and I may have some years from now.

You: "Why am I different than you? Am I really part of this family?"

Me: "Yes, of course. Just like you, I was also born in another country on the other side of the ocean. I came from a magical cold country up north, you came from a beautiful warm country around the equator. Just like you, I came to this country at a young age. Your Mom and I found each other, that's when we started our family. Then came your beautiful sister Kysa. Then we planned for and found you. Now despite where we all came from and how we look, we are all part the same family."

We are already an international family, and adopting you will make us so much more international. What a beautiful thing, when what this world needs more than anything is global understanding, appreciation, tolerance and love.

While I know it'll still be a while, can't wait to meet you little man...

/ fredrik

Begin here.

Every story begins somewhere, and ours begins with dropping an application into the mail. Or does it begin with me as a teenager watching Oprah, and falling in love with a family that adopted a little girl from Russia? I was so moved in fact, that I announced on the spot one day I would adopt a baby from another country. Sure, teenage girls say silly things and make unkept promises, but that announcement has haunted me for 20 years. Until today.

Today Fredrik, Kysa and I drove across the Ravenel bridge from our downtown Charleston home and dropped an initial application form in the mail to adopt a BABY BOY from Ethiopia!! While we know this is only the beginning of a heap of paperwork and many months of waiting, it felt so good to get the ball rolling. We are committed emotionally, spiritually, financially, wholly.

This step puts in motion years of discussion Fredrik and I have had about having an even more international family. Fredrik being a Swede, and both of us with incurable wanderlust, we want to open our hearts and home to a child from across the globe. We've been blessed to experience so fully the beautiful, natural birth of Kysa and now we seek the experience of having a child via adoption.

Fredrik and I believe in "chosen" family which sort of opposes the statement that "blood is thicker than water." Both of us coming from small families, our friends and community have become our extended family over the years...we have many "chosen" brothers and sisters who live all over the world. We look forward to growing our family with the support of these worldly and international aunts and uncles, and of course the family that's been so caring and supportive over the years.

The logistics: We're looking ahead to 4-5 months of paperwork, then 8-10 months of waiting for a referral, and then another 3 months until travel and pick up. There will be 2 trips with hopefully one month in between. Our little man should be approx 6-9 months old. So the earliest we could have babe in arms will be approx Nov'11 and the latest approx March'12. We're telling ourselves that it could be two years for sanity's sake.

and so we begin.
la familia!!