Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Remembering to Start

12 years ago today, I watched in confusion and then horror. I drove in my car on I-40 from Chapel Hill to Raleigh fearful of the skies. I arrived in the Meredith College dance studio, my church, my temple. And we prayed as dancers do...with our bodies, quietly, on our knees with foreheads pressed to the floor, connecting to our breath.

I think we all had a difficult time finding our way back to our work, back to finding purpose, didn't we? I was just days away from heading back to Charlottesville, VA to start a new dance project. It was to be my first evening length project with hired dancers, fund raising, produced, directed and choreographed by me.

It felt so trivial, so small.
I kept asking myself: Who cares?

And then, I just did what we all did. I showed up to work. And the dancers showed up to work. And we committed to our process, and we framed questions and then we questioned the frame. We sweated, and moved even when we didn't want to, even when we felt we couldn't. We didn't wait for a spark of inspiration to ignite us, we trudged ourselves into the scary dark woods of the creative process daring inspiration to keep up with us.

We decided to shine our own lights, the divine spark of our humanity, in the only way we knew how. We danced. We let our bodies process things our hearts and minds could not. Those days were raw and hard and beautiful.

Isn't it curious how life moves in spirals?

For the last few weeks, I've worked to carve out more time to write because that seems to be my creative process now. I have some ambitions goals, but I just can't seem to work up the courage to put the thoughts crowding my brain out into the world.

The last months have been raw and hard and beautiful.
Who cares?

I had no idea twelve years ago 9/11 was also the Ethiopian New Year. I had no way of knowing twelve years ago how my children would change my life and the way I see everything.

Today I'm remembering to start again. To show up, to do the work, MY WORK, to be courageous, and to put my work out into the world.  It is my job, it is what I do.

Today I am remembering to start my journey back into the scary dark woods of the creative process. Inspiration, I dare you to keep up with me, but I'll shine my light so you can try to find me.

Who cares? I do.
And for now, that is enough.

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