Less than 24 hours ago, I believed. And, today we got the news... we are OFFICIALLY #23 on the infant boy waiting list. Amazing that after 8 months of starts, stops, zigs and zags we are finally waiting. In adoption lingo... we are now "adoption pregnant".
Thank you for all the support we have gotten from so many of you up to this point. We will need it now more than ever. It might sound like this has been the hard part, but honestly I think the hard parts are just starting. At least up until now we had lots to do that kept us focused. Now all we have is waiting, waiting and more waiting.
So, here's what comes next. Sometime in the next 9 to 12 (or, as long as 18? 24?) months we will get a referral for an infant boy less than 24 months old. Shortly afterwards we will receive a court date in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and need to make travel arrangements for at least a 7-10 day journey. At this first court appearance we will show up to confirm our desire to adopt our son, and on the same day his birth family members will validate their need to give up rights to this child. Wow, that'll be emotional. Depending on the circumstances, we hope to have a chance to meet with and talk to members of the birth family. It could be our only chance to get information to give our son about his history. We will then have to return to the USA without our son... and then wait some more. A couple of months later we will return to Addis Ababa for another 7-10 days for a US Embassy date and pick up our son officially.
Let the unofficial betting begin. You thought picking a date of birth for a biological child was hard, try picking the date we bring our son home from Ethiopia!
/ fredrik
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Is it possible? Part two.
It's amazing how something as constant as time seems to play games with you. You know those days that seem to take forever but the week flies by? Or, the party planning and prep that seems to never end but the party itself is over before you know it? That's how I feel after looking back and realizing that on April 5th we posted that we were only moments away from having our paperwork completed and being placed on the official wait list. April 5th doesn't seem that long ago, but somehow a month has passed and yet I still feel the same... any day now we should (really) be on the official wait list for our little boy. This week, I believe this week. I believe.
This isn't to say we've been sitting around waiting. While the adoption and the process is never far from our minds, April and into early May have been beautiful in our home. My lovely wife's birthday, a good friend's book debut and book signing party, Easter brunch at our neighbor's house with friends, an evening listening to jazz at our neighborhood park and to top it all off... today's 1st birthday of our amazing little girl, Kysa! We are really blessed to have such rich experiences to get us through this adoption process. Still, I cannot help think about all these same things happening next year.. maybe then we will have our son with us too? How cool...
Vamos! Come on! Kom igen! We are ready to wait!
/ fredrik
This isn't to say we've been sitting around waiting. While the adoption and the process is never far from our minds, April and into early May have been beautiful in our home. My lovely wife's birthday, a good friend's book debut and book signing party, Easter brunch at our neighbor's house with friends, an evening listening to jazz at our neighborhood park and to top it all off... today's 1st birthday of our amazing little girl, Kysa! We are really blessed to have such rich experiences to get us through this adoption process. Still, I cannot help think about all these same things happening next year.. maybe then we will have our son with us too? How cool...
Vamos! Come on! Kom igen! We are ready to wait!
/ fredrik
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Is it possible?
I think we're close to a milestone people!
Is it possible we've taken our last stack of documents to the bank to be notarized?
Is it possible we've made our last stack of photocopies and then rushed to FedEx before 5:00 for the last time?
Is it possible we're finished with the mind-numbing, hurry-up-and-wait paperwork and ready to be placed on a wait list?
Is it possible we've hasseled our kind and generous references for just ONE MORE reference letter (thank you, thank you, thank you adoption angels)
We're not wanting to get too overconfident...but it could be possible.
Our dossier is almost complete, it's being compiled, checked and double checked and when our fantastic dossier expert, Kate sends it to our agency we will be FINISHED and placed on the WAIT LIST!!
Yee Haw!! Here's to our tortoise style paperwork race...we're almost there!!!!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Improvement = Happy Dance
Fredrik's philosophy has been to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I married a smart man. Today hoping for the best paid off. Things are improving.
This was posted on our agency's news blog a couple days ago:
Good News out of Ethiopia!!
In addition to this good news, we understand that today MoWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) wrote 25 letters which is an improvement from above. Things are looking up.
Happy Friday All.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Little Brown Sparrow/Game Changer
I sat down to write this post and said to Fredrik, "I don't know how to begin."
He responded, "I know, I thought about writing too but it's just too hard."
At that exact moment we heard a flutter at our front door. I thought someone had slipped us a flyer for discounted pizza, but when Fredrik opened the door he found a stunned little brown sparrow who had crashed into our door looking up at him. I took the little bird some water and cooked rice and tried to speak to him in a comforting voice. After a few minutes he flew from our porch to the hood of our car. I hope he makes it...
As I walked back to the computer, something about the timing of the bird crashing into our front door and our writing block/denial of our current situation struck me as poignant, and I began to cry. On this week of feeling dejected, disoriented and confused ourselves, the lesson we were given tonight: our help and a simple kind deed is always needed...even close to home.
This week it was confirmed that Ethiopia is reducing intercountry adoption by 90%. The government agency MOWA has decided to reduce the number of adoptions it processes daily from 40 a day to 5.
Yes, let that sink in.
We aren't sure if this is a permanent change, we can only hope and trust that it is not. We can only hope and trust that this decision is something that will ensure completely ethical adoptions across the board. We can only hope and trust that it's done with the best interest of Ethiopia's children. We can only hope and trust...
We understand that there has been no change at the speed of which referrals or matches are being made. So what does this mean for us with the current new ruling? We could still get matched to our little Mamoosh within the next 12-18 months, but then it could take years (possibly 4-5 at the rate of only 5 adoptions processed per day. Yes, we did the math) to get a court date for us to go to Ethiopia and get him. We are hoping and trusting that the ruling won't stick. We are hoping and trusting...
I can't mentally go to the place of being matched with our son, seeing his picture but not being able to bring him home for years. Okay, I've gone there...and it wasn't pretty.
But, we're still hoping and trusting...
We continue to wonder what is going to happen to Ethiopia's 5 million orphans who need homes right now, tonight. Who is giving them a bath, reading them a story, and tucking them safely in bed? Who is kissing them goodnight and loving them the way only parents can, the way EVERY child should be loved.
I understand the need to clean up adoption practices, and I want ALL adoptions to be completely ethical and utterly necessary, but how is slowing down the process after the kids have been matched to their prospective families going to help?
Fredrik and I fully believe that we are not the best option for our future son. Obviously, being with his birth parents or extended family in his birth country would be best, but we believe that we ARE the best alternative for some child, for our little Mamoosh. We want to get our hands on him and wrap our love around him as soon as possible. With the current change it could be years.
What can you do?
You can sign this petition: http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html
And you can keep the 5 million children in Ethiopia who need families in your thoughts and prayers, as well as the people making tough decisions regarding the welfare of so many...
The Little Brown Sparrow (Excerpt)
One green April mornin', when I was a young boy
I lay by the window, a-watchin' the rain
And I wondered if ever the sun would come shinin'
So I could go somewhere to play
Then down from the sky flew a little brown sparrow
And he lit on the branch of an old willow tree
And he sit there, watchin', as I lay wond'rin'
Just the little brown sparrow and me
On a green April mornin', when I was a young boy
And little brown sparrows were free
Bill Fries/Chip Davis
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Changing horses midstream
So. It's been a while. We've been spinning wheels. We've made no progress. We've been frustrated. We're changing agencies.
Right after Christmas our previous agency hit a snag when one of their cases fell under investigation by the Ethiopian government. We don't know the nature of the investigation, but we believe them when they say they were following all the rules, regulations, and ethical guidelines. We did tons of research and our previous agency is one of the most well established and highly rated agencies dealing with Ethiopian adoptions in the country, but Ethiopia is cracking down and that is a good thing.
We were told they hoped the investigation would take 2 weeks and until the investigation is cleared up there would be no placements, referrals, court dates, nada... Everything came to a halt. That was two days after Christmas and still no movement.
We so badly want this paperwork behind us. We were soooo close to finishing our paperwork having done our homestudy and having most of our dossier completed, but the previous agency needed our agency application completed which involved paying a big chunk of change, and we felt uneasy committing more financially to an agency with a case under investigation.
Enter Steve and Susan.
I met Steve and Susan at Jivamukti Yoga. (Second note to self of this nature: good things come when you just go to class) Steve and Susan are also adopting from Ethiopia, and will soon be returning to Ethiopia to bring their boy home with them. I can't tell you how excited Fredrik and I are to find another family adopting from Ethiopia! Another family to help us celebrate Ethiopian holidays, another family that will look like us, another family who will have lived a similar process. We've chatted, emailed, sweated and omed next to each other in yoga, and finally we had dinner. We picked their brains, they shared many stories, opinions, pictures and videos.
So now, after much thought, several phone calls and more research, we're switching to their agency. It feels good to have some forward motion again, even if we have to redo some things.
Not only have we switched agencies, and met Steve and Susan....we've been in touch with yet another family here in little ole Charleston with two small boys from Ethiopia! They tell us there are more families in the area. We are giddy with this news. Kysa and I are meeting Evelyn and K tomorrow for a playdate. I can't wait!
So even though we may have stalled out and possibly even backtracked a bit in the paperwork department, we have at least progressed in making a community for Mamoosh and our family, and that feels big. Really big.
And in the meantime as we feel frustrated that even the paperwork is taking longer than expected, I keep telling myself She is always on time....
Right after Christmas our previous agency hit a snag when one of their cases fell under investigation by the Ethiopian government. We don't know the nature of the investigation, but we believe them when they say they were following all the rules, regulations, and ethical guidelines. We did tons of research and our previous agency is one of the most well established and highly rated agencies dealing with Ethiopian adoptions in the country, but Ethiopia is cracking down and that is a good thing.
We were told they hoped the investigation would take 2 weeks and until the investigation is cleared up there would be no placements, referrals, court dates, nada... Everything came to a halt. That was two days after Christmas and still no movement.
We so badly want this paperwork behind us. We were soooo close to finishing our paperwork having done our homestudy and having most of our dossier completed, but the previous agency needed our agency application completed which involved paying a big chunk of change, and we felt uneasy committing more financially to an agency with a case under investigation.
Enter Steve and Susan.
I met Steve and Susan at Jivamukti Yoga. (Second note to self of this nature: good things come when you just go to class) Steve and Susan are also adopting from Ethiopia, and will soon be returning to Ethiopia to bring their boy home with them. I can't tell you how excited Fredrik and I are to find another family adopting from Ethiopia! Another family to help us celebrate Ethiopian holidays, another family that will look like us, another family who will have lived a similar process. We've chatted, emailed, sweated and omed next to each other in yoga, and finally we had dinner. We picked their brains, they shared many stories, opinions, pictures and videos.
So now, after much thought, several phone calls and more research, we're switching to their agency. It feels good to have some forward motion again, even if we have to redo some things.
Not only have we switched agencies, and met Steve and Susan....we've been in touch with yet another family here in little ole Charleston with two small boys from Ethiopia! They tell us there are more families in the area. We are giddy with this news. Kysa and I are meeting Evelyn and K tomorrow for a playdate. I can't wait!
So even though we may have stalled out and possibly even backtracked a bit in the paperwork department, we have at least progressed in making a community for Mamoosh and our family, and that feels big. Really big.
And in the meantime as we feel frustrated that even the paperwork is taking longer than expected, I keep telling myself She is always on time....
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Remembering The Visitor
I begin this post by admitting I watched The View recently. Not only did I watch The View, but something Whoopi Goldberg said rocked me to my core. Teachers and teachings show up at the strangest times, and this teaching had me weeping as I spoon-fed Kysa pureed mango. Please bear with me, we will transcend.
Two years ago this week I had a miscarriage. Miscarriage talk makes people uncomfortable, and so does spirituality, both of which are the subjects of this post. I get it. But this blog is not only for our community, it's for our children to read someday, and this story is part of my history, my family's history, and ultimately Mamoosh's* history.
*Mamoosh means baby in Amhraic.
The anniversary of the miscarriage is not something I mark in my calendar to remind myself to mourn, but three major things happened that week to always remind me. Fredrik always has a big-deal annual conference in New York. It consumes him for the entire week from early in the morning until late at night. Ironically, we lost our first pregnancy on the day of Obama's inauguration and the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day. So bittersweet, and looking back, so poignantly perfect as a landmark to remember The Visitor.
After getting the news, a hug, and a shot from my doctor, I walked home from 5th Ave across the Upper East Side the harsh cold a contrast to my hot tears. I made a brief call to Fredrik confirming what we feared the most, and I climbed the stairs to our 5th story walk-up to watch Hope and Change take the highest office in the land. I was happy for the distraction but mostly grateful for the good dose of Hope in the face of my dispair, as well as Michelle Obama's good fashion sense. And Aretha Franklin's hat. I mean, really...
Maybe it was all the talk of hope that kept me from burying my head under the covers and staying there. In reality, I was terrified I couldn't have children, and to me that was the worst sentence. Ever. I knew in my bones I was meant to be a mother, but I was sad and frightened that I might not be. That's when I came to realize I didn't care how Fredrik and I were to become parents....I just wanted to be one, and I didn't want to wait.
The next week I spent alone mourning and recovering physically and emotionally, while poor sad Fredrik worked his butt off at the conference. One night he came home and I announced that I wanted to explore adoption. We talked and agreed it was something we'd like to consider. The following day I spent curled up with the laptop researching adoption. I watched "gotcha day" videos on YouTube, I read adoption blogs much like this one, and I cried good, healthy, cleansing tears because I was touched and moved and inspired. Obama's words from the day before still ringing in my ears, I began to feel like I/we could turn our bad luck into something good.
At some point during my YouTube marathon, I fixated on Ethiopia. It was as if Ethiopia reached out of the computer and grabbed me by my heartstrings. I can't really explain it, but I just couldn't get enough of those babies. Ethiopia and her children simply grabbed me. Ethiopia chose me/us.
I announced to Fredrik that night that I wanted to adopt from Ethiopia. I think he was still processing the miscarriage, but he listened to his red and puffy-eyed wife speak hopefully, and I think he was grateful for a little light in the face of our sadness.
Fredrik being the patient and more pragmatic half of the relationship, suggested we go to a workshop on international adoption and explore our options. We did, and confirmed what we thought we wanted. Yes. Adopt. Ethiopia. We hadn't given up on trying to conceive a child, but we knew very quickly we just wanted to be parents. So we'd try both. Yes, we're the type people who wait to the last minute to start a family and then suddenly demand from the universe: Okay, BABY NOW!
In the meantime, in my spiritual/yoga practice I invoked Ganesha, The Remover of Obstacles, The Lord of New Beginnings. For those of you not familiar with yogic philosophy, the yogis believe that God/The Universe is too big a concept to grasp as a singular being, and so the various deities are aspects, archetypes, or particular traits of the God/The Universe. Ganesha, in particular, puts obstacles in your path to help you grow or evolve toward enlightenment. Likewise, Ganesha removes the obstacles when you have learned the lesson.
I am not sure when I started praying my prayer, or repeating this mantra but for the next few months, through my deep sadness, all I could repeat was: please let me be open to receiving the lesson I'm suppose to learn, Om Gan Ganapatye Namah, please let me be open to receiving the lesson I'm suppose to learn. I even got Ganesha tattooed on the inside of my wrist to remind me.
Fast forward to August: Walking through Budapest I tell Fredrik I think we're pregnant (like 1 day pregnant). I was right.
Fast forward nine months: Kysa is born and we're blissfully and thankfully a family of three.
Fast forward four months: We seamlessly remind ourselves of our desire to adopt. Fredrik and I can't remember how and when we decided it was "time" it just happened. We jumped.
Fast forward to just a couple weeks ago: I'm feeding Kysa pureed mango and The View is on in the background. I hear Whoopi Goldberg telling Bill and Giuliana Rancic (who were discusing their recent miscarriage) the words that rocked me to my core. She said she believes the precious beings who come to visit us for a short period of time are sent to help get us ready for our future children. "Are you ready? Are you really ready?" they ask.
I felt like The Universe had just graded my proverbial paper. I got it. I had received the lesson. We needed to loose a pregnancy in order to set us on the path to adoption. I don't know if it would have happened otherwise. The Visitor came into our lives for a short but purposeful time to make way for Mamoosh, and I will be forever grateful for that blessing.
Two years later (last week), Fredrik returned to New York for that same conference. This time I wasn't alone, Kysa was warm and cozy in my arms, and Mamoosh is on his way.
Allison
Two years ago this week I had a miscarriage. Miscarriage talk makes people uncomfortable, and so does spirituality, both of which are the subjects of this post. I get it. But this blog is not only for our community, it's for our children to read someday, and this story is part of my history, my family's history, and ultimately Mamoosh's* history.
*Mamoosh means baby in Amhraic.
The anniversary of the miscarriage is not something I mark in my calendar to remind myself to mourn, but three major things happened that week to always remind me. Fredrik always has a big-deal annual conference in New York. It consumes him for the entire week from early in the morning until late at night. Ironically, we lost our first pregnancy on the day of Obama's inauguration and the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day. So bittersweet, and looking back, so poignantly perfect as a landmark to remember The Visitor.
After getting the news, a hug, and a shot from my doctor, I walked home from 5th Ave across the Upper East Side the harsh cold a contrast to my hot tears. I made a brief call to Fredrik confirming what we feared the most, and I climbed the stairs to our 5th story walk-up to watch Hope and Change take the highest office in the land. I was happy for the distraction but mostly grateful for the good dose of Hope in the face of my dispair, as well as Michelle Obama's good fashion sense. And Aretha Franklin's hat. I mean, really...
Maybe it was all the talk of hope that kept me from burying my head under the covers and staying there. In reality, I was terrified I couldn't have children, and to me that was the worst sentence. Ever. I knew in my bones I was meant to be a mother, but I was sad and frightened that I might not be. That's when I came to realize I didn't care how Fredrik and I were to become parents....I just wanted to be one, and I didn't want to wait.
The next week I spent alone mourning and recovering physically and emotionally, while poor sad Fredrik worked his butt off at the conference. One night he came home and I announced that I wanted to explore adoption. We talked and agreed it was something we'd like to consider. The following day I spent curled up with the laptop researching adoption. I watched "gotcha day" videos on YouTube, I read adoption blogs much like this one, and I cried good, healthy, cleansing tears because I was touched and moved and inspired. Obama's words from the day before still ringing in my ears, I began to feel like I/we could turn our bad luck into something good.
At some point during my YouTube marathon, I fixated on Ethiopia. It was as if Ethiopia reached out of the computer and grabbed me by my heartstrings. I can't really explain it, but I just couldn't get enough of those babies. Ethiopia and her children simply grabbed me. Ethiopia chose me/us.
I announced to Fredrik that night that I wanted to adopt from Ethiopia. I think he was still processing the miscarriage, but he listened to his red and puffy-eyed wife speak hopefully, and I think he was grateful for a little light in the face of our sadness.
Fredrik being the patient and more pragmatic half of the relationship, suggested we go to a workshop on international adoption and explore our options. We did, and confirmed what we thought we wanted. Yes. Adopt. Ethiopia. We hadn't given up on trying to conceive a child, but we knew very quickly we just wanted to be parents. So we'd try both. Yes, we're the type people who wait to the last minute to start a family and then suddenly demand from the universe: Okay, BABY NOW!
In the meantime, in my spiritual/yoga practice I invoked Ganesha, The Remover of Obstacles, The Lord of New Beginnings. For those of you not familiar with yogic philosophy, the yogis believe that God/The Universe is too big a concept to grasp as a singular being, and so the various deities are aspects, archetypes, or particular traits of the God/The Universe. Ganesha, in particular, puts obstacles in your path to help you grow or evolve toward enlightenment. Likewise, Ganesha removes the obstacles when you have learned the lesson.
I am not sure when I started praying my prayer, or repeating this mantra but for the next few months, through my deep sadness, all I could repeat was: please let me be open to receiving the lesson I'm suppose to learn, Om Gan Ganapatye Namah, please let me be open to receiving the lesson I'm suppose to learn. I even got Ganesha tattooed on the inside of my wrist to remind me.
Fast forward to August: Walking through Budapest I tell Fredrik I think we're pregnant (like 1 day pregnant). I was right.
Fast forward nine months: Kysa is born and we're blissfully and thankfully a family of three.
Fast forward four months: We seamlessly remind ourselves of our desire to adopt. Fredrik and I can't remember how and when we decided it was "time" it just happened. We jumped.
Fast forward to just a couple weeks ago: I'm feeding Kysa pureed mango and The View is on in the background. I hear Whoopi Goldberg telling Bill and Giuliana Rancic (who were discusing their recent miscarriage) the words that rocked me to my core. She said she believes the precious beings who come to visit us for a short period of time are sent to help get us ready for our future children. "Are you ready? Are you really ready?" they ask.
I felt like The Universe had just graded my proverbial paper. I got it. I had received the lesson. We needed to loose a pregnancy in order to set us on the path to adoption. I don't know if it would have happened otherwise. The Visitor came into our lives for a short but purposeful time to make way for Mamoosh, and I will be forever grateful for that blessing.
Two years later (last week), Fredrik returned to New York for that same conference. This time I wasn't alone, Kysa was warm and cozy in my arms, and Mamoosh is on his way.
Allison
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