Today we did one of our very last things needed for the adoption, aside from waiting patiently and two trips across the world. Today we did more fingerprinting, or the more sophisticated term: biometrics. Sounds much more sci-fi cool than it really was.
What I learned about myself today is that I have the hands of a manual laborer. This is the second time we've had to go through biometrics, and both times the person asked if I work with my hands, and had to do my prints over and over until the machine accepted them. Fredrik's prints were accepted first attempt. Mine took a while. They got frustrated. With me.
Could it have been the several years of childhood I spent ripping the skin off my hands doing uneven parallel bars as a gymnast, or holding leather reins through years of horseback riding, or mucking countless stalls? For the last 15 years I've been a dancer, and a yogini...good thing they didn't need prints of my feet!
Aside from a small hit to my vanity, it is done.
AND....we learned today we've moved up the list to #21. Whoa.
Happy Memorial Day Everybody!!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mothers Day/Dear Sister (2)
Dear Sister,
There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of you. I continue to meet you daily on my yoga mat, and you whisper inspiration in my ear as I send wishes for peace, wellness, and hope to you. The word Enat (mother) constantly rides my breath. As strange as it sounds, I feel a deep connection to you.
My husband and I started this process eight months ago, and had no idea how long it would take just to get our paperwork complete...but we hit a milestone this week. We're officially waiting to be matched for adoption with our son, your son. I really thought I would celebrate the moment we were given a number, and in reality we did celebrate and share our news with friends, but all I can really think of now is you. I still think about where you might be in your pregnancy, if our son is born, if he is safe, if you are safe, if you are able to provide food and shelter for yourself and for our son. I wonder if you are able to take care of yourself if you are sick, or find strength if you are abused. Sometimes I wonder if I am already connecting with your spirit if you have left your body...
I sit here after spending Mother's Day today with my family and celebrating my daughter's 1st birthday earlier this week. My heart is brimming over with love and gratitude. My daughter has tapped into a space in my heart I never knew existed...a place only children can touch. I constantly think of you and the events that will take place, or have already taken place that will bring you to the event or decision to give up your son. I know that you aren't taking your decision lightly, no mother could. I know mothers would give up their lives for their children, and perhaps you already have...
I want so badly to get the call we've been matched with our son. I want to see his face, I want to meet him, hold him, and bring him into our home and wrap him with love and shower him with sweet kisses...but I am aware as we sit at #23 on the list, 23 babies (including our son) must loose their birth moms, and families, and culture, and you must endure emotional and perhaps physical pain that I cannot begin to fathom. This knowledge brings sobriety to the waiting excitement and anxiety.
I want you to know I don't take any of this lightly. I want you to know my family thinks of you, we talk about you, we worry about you. It isn't impossible that by this time next year we could have our son (yours and mine) in our home in Charleston. I know that our home will always be second best to you, his birth mother, and I will do my best to honor you everyday as I raise our son. Your presence is most welcome in our hearts and home. Though half a world away, you are already a part of our lives and we welcome you.
The light in me bows to the light in you.
Namaste.
Allison
There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of you. I continue to meet you daily on my yoga mat, and you whisper inspiration in my ear as I send wishes for peace, wellness, and hope to you. The word Enat (mother) constantly rides my breath. As strange as it sounds, I feel a deep connection to you.
My husband and I started this process eight months ago, and had no idea how long it would take just to get our paperwork complete...but we hit a milestone this week. We're officially waiting to be matched for adoption with our son, your son. I really thought I would celebrate the moment we were given a number, and in reality we did celebrate and share our news with friends, but all I can really think of now is you. I still think about where you might be in your pregnancy, if our son is born, if he is safe, if you are safe, if you are able to provide food and shelter for yourself and for our son. I wonder if you are able to take care of yourself if you are sick, or find strength if you are abused. Sometimes I wonder if I am already connecting with your spirit if you have left your body...
I sit here after spending Mother's Day today with my family and celebrating my daughter's 1st birthday earlier this week. My heart is brimming over with love and gratitude. My daughter has tapped into a space in my heart I never knew existed...a place only children can touch. I constantly think of you and the events that will take place, or have already taken place that will bring you to the event or decision to give up your son. I know that you aren't taking your decision lightly, no mother could. I know mothers would give up their lives for their children, and perhaps you already have...
I want so badly to get the call we've been matched with our son. I want to see his face, I want to meet him, hold him, and bring him into our home and wrap him with love and shower him with sweet kisses...but I am aware as we sit at #23 on the list, 23 babies (including our son) must loose their birth moms, and families, and culture, and you must endure emotional and perhaps physical pain that I cannot begin to fathom. This knowledge brings sobriety to the waiting excitement and anxiety.
I want you to know I don't take any of this lightly. I want you to know my family thinks of you, we talk about you, we worry about you. It isn't impossible that by this time next year we could have our son (yours and mine) in our home in Charleston. I know that our home will always be second best to you, his birth mother, and I will do my best to honor you everyday as I raise our son. Your presence is most welcome in our hearts and home. Though half a world away, you are already a part of our lives and we welcome you.
The light in me bows to the light in you.
Namaste.
Allison
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
#23
Less than 24 hours ago, I believed. And, today we got the news... we are OFFICIALLY #23 on the infant boy waiting list. Amazing that after 8 months of starts, stops, zigs and zags we are finally waiting. In adoption lingo... we are now "adoption pregnant".
Thank you for all the support we have gotten from so many of you up to this point. We will need it now more than ever. It might sound like this has been the hard part, but honestly I think the hard parts are just starting. At least up until now we had lots to do that kept us focused. Now all we have is waiting, waiting and more waiting.
So, here's what comes next. Sometime in the next 9 to 12 (or, as long as 18? 24?) months we will get a referral for an infant boy less than 24 months old. Shortly afterwards we will receive a court date in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and need to make travel arrangements for at least a 7-10 day journey. At this first court appearance we will show up to confirm our desire to adopt our son, and on the same day his birth family members will validate their need to give up rights to this child. Wow, that'll be emotional. Depending on the circumstances, we hope to have a chance to meet with and talk to members of the birth family. It could be our only chance to get information to give our son about his history. We will then have to return to the USA without our son... and then wait some more. A couple of months later we will return to Addis Ababa for another 7-10 days for a US Embassy date and pick up our son officially.
Let the unofficial betting begin. You thought picking a date of birth for a biological child was hard, try picking the date we bring our son home from Ethiopia!
/ fredrik
Thank you for all the support we have gotten from so many of you up to this point. We will need it now more than ever. It might sound like this has been the hard part, but honestly I think the hard parts are just starting. At least up until now we had lots to do that kept us focused. Now all we have is waiting, waiting and more waiting.
So, here's what comes next. Sometime in the next 9 to 12 (or, as long as 18? 24?) months we will get a referral for an infant boy less than 24 months old. Shortly afterwards we will receive a court date in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and need to make travel arrangements for at least a 7-10 day journey. At this first court appearance we will show up to confirm our desire to adopt our son, and on the same day his birth family members will validate their need to give up rights to this child. Wow, that'll be emotional. Depending on the circumstances, we hope to have a chance to meet with and talk to members of the birth family. It could be our only chance to get information to give our son about his history. We will then have to return to the USA without our son... and then wait some more. A couple of months later we will return to Addis Ababa for another 7-10 days for a US Embassy date and pick up our son officially.
Let the unofficial betting begin. You thought picking a date of birth for a biological child was hard, try picking the date we bring our son home from Ethiopia!
/ fredrik
Monday, May 2, 2011
Is it possible? Part two.
It's amazing how something as constant as time seems to play games with you. You know those days that seem to take forever but the week flies by? Or, the party planning and prep that seems to never end but the party itself is over before you know it? That's how I feel after looking back and realizing that on April 5th we posted that we were only moments away from having our paperwork completed and being placed on the official wait list. April 5th doesn't seem that long ago, but somehow a month has passed and yet I still feel the same... any day now we should (really) be on the official wait list for our little boy. This week, I believe this week. I believe.
This isn't to say we've been sitting around waiting. While the adoption and the process is never far from our minds, April and into early May have been beautiful in our home. My lovely wife's birthday, a good friend's book debut and book signing party, Easter brunch at our neighbor's house with friends, an evening listening to jazz at our neighborhood park and to top it all off... today's 1st birthday of our amazing little girl, Kysa! We are really blessed to have such rich experiences to get us through this adoption process. Still, I cannot help think about all these same things happening next year.. maybe then we will have our son with us too? How cool...
Vamos! Come on! Kom igen! We are ready to wait!
/ fredrik
This isn't to say we've been sitting around waiting. While the adoption and the process is never far from our minds, April and into early May have been beautiful in our home. My lovely wife's birthday, a good friend's book debut and book signing party, Easter brunch at our neighbor's house with friends, an evening listening to jazz at our neighborhood park and to top it all off... today's 1st birthday of our amazing little girl, Kysa! We are really blessed to have such rich experiences to get us through this adoption process. Still, I cannot help think about all these same things happening next year.. maybe then we will have our son with us too? How cool...
Vamos! Come on! Kom igen! We are ready to wait!
/ fredrik
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Is it possible?
I think we're close to a milestone people!
Is it possible we've taken our last stack of documents to the bank to be notarized?
Is it possible we've made our last stack of photocopies and then rushed to FedEx before 5:00 for the last time?
Is it possible we're finished with the mind-numbing, hurry-up-and-wait paperwork and ready to be placed on a wait list?
Is it possible we've hasseled our kind and generous references for just ONE MORE reference letter (thank you, thank you, thank you adoption angels)
We're not wanting to get too overconfident...but it could be possible.
Our dossier is almost complete, it's being compiled, checked and double checked and when our fantastic dossier expert, Kate sends it to our agency we will be FINISHED and placed on the WAIT LIST!!
Yee Haw!! Here's to our tortoise style paperwork race...we're almost there!!!!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Improvement = Happy Dance
Fredrik's philosophy has been to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I married a smart man. Today hoping for the best paid off. Things are improving.
This was posted on our agency's news blog a couple days ago:
Good News out of Ethiopia!!
In addition to this good news, we understand that today MoWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) wrote 25 letters which is an improvement from above. Things are looking up.
Happy Friday All.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Little Brown Sparrow/Game Changer
I sat down to write this post and said to Fredrik, "I don't know how to begin."
He responded, "I know, I thought about writing too but it's just too hard."
At that exact moment we heard a flutter at our front door. I thought someone had slipped us a flyer for discounted pizza, but when Fredrik opened the door he found a stunned little brown sparrow who had crashed into our door looking up at him. I took the little bird some water and cooked rice and tried to speak to him in a comforting voice. After a few minutes he flew from our porch to the hood of our car. I hope he makes it...
As I walked back to the computer, something about the timing of the bird crashing into our front door and our writing block/denial of our current situation struck me as poignant, and I began to cry. On this week of feeling dejected, disoriented and confused ourselves, the lesson we were given tonight: our help and a simple kind deed is always needed...even close to home.
This week it was confirmed that Ethiopia is reducing intercountry adoption by 90%. The government agency MOWA has decided to reduce the number of adoptions it processes daily from 40 a day to 5.
Yes, let that sink in.
We aren't sure if this is a permanent change, we can only hope and trust that it is not. We can only hope and trust that this decision is something that will ensure completely ethical adoptions across the board. We can only hope and trust that it's done with the best interest of Ethiopia's children. We can only hope and trust...
We understand that there has been no change at the speed of which referrals or matches are being made. So what does this mean for us with the current new ruling? We could still get matched to our little Mamoosh within the next 12-18 months, but then it could take years (possibly 4-5 at the rate of only 5 adoptions processed per day. Yes, we did the math) to get a court date for us to go to Ethiopia and get him. We are hoping and trusting that the ruling won't stick. We are hoping and trusting...
I can't mentally go to the place of being matched with our son, seeing his picture but not being able to bring him home for years. Okay, I've gone there...and it wasn't pretty.
But, we're still hoping and trusting...
We continue to wonder what is going to happen to Ethiopia's 5 million orphans who need homes right now, tonight. Who is giving them a bath, reading them a story, and tucking them safely in bed? Who is kissing them goodnight and loving them the way only parents can, the way EVERY child should be loved.
I understand the need to clean up adoption practices, and I want ALL adoptions to be completely ethical and utterly necessary, but how is slowing down the process after the kids have been matched to their prospective families going to help?
Fredrik and I fully believe that we are not the best option for our future son. Obviously, being with his birth parents or extended family in his birth country would be best, but we believe that we ARE the best alternative for some child, for our little Mamoosh. We want to get our hands on him and wrap our love around him as soon as possible. With the current change it could be years.
What can you do?
You can sign this petition: http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html
And you can keep the 5 million children in Ethiopia who need families in your thoughts and prayers, as well as the people making tough decisions regarding the welfare of so many...
The Little Brown Sparrow (Excerpt)
One green April mornin', when I was a young boy
I lay by the window, a-watchin' the rain
And I wondered if ever the sun would come shinin'
So I could go somewhere to play
Then down from the sky flew a little brown sparrow
And he lit on the branch of an old willow tree
And he sit there, watchin', as I lay wond'rin'
Just the little brown sparrow and me
On a green April mornin', when I was a young boy
And little brown sparrows were free
Bill Fries/Chip Davis
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