This past weekend we decorated for the holidays. It's a joyous time of year and one we loved sharing with Kysa as she comes upon her second Christmas.
The tree was put up, lights and ornaments adorn it, and other festive decorations made their way across our home. The stockings were next. One. Two. Three.
Four. The reminder of how last year at this time we were so certain that we'd have our son home for this Christmas that we actually bought him his own stocking. Well, we wanted it to match Kysa's... made sense. But here we are... one, two, three...
This year, we'd just be happy for a referral by NEXT Christmas. Not an easy position to be in, since of course we wish we could know that. I'd be happy if that was fact. Still we know that we are fortunate to have our amazing little Kysa. We know that there are also so many families in our same situation or somewhere in the adoption process who will also have an emotional holiday season. We know that other adoptive families will have a chance to celebrate this year as they bring home their sons and daughters. We will celebrate with these families. We will hope we're in their shoes next year.
There has been and continue to be lots of change, turmoil, progress (you pick your term) in the Ethiopian adoption system. This has created much of the slow-down we have experienced, even if we see very little... it's what we hear, what we piece together... it's the reality we know. We feel fortunate to have an agency that we believe in and trust, that helps.
In the meantime, please don't forget that there is still a famine going on in the Horn of Africa. Yes, even while we laugh and sing... while we eat and drink... while we give and receive... there are millions of people not as fortunate as us. Please think about them, pray for them, and if you have the means... please help them.
http://www.unicefusa.org/work/emergencies/horn-of-africa/
To end on a positive note, we did MOVE UP 1 SPOT today on the wait list. One more forever family accepted their referral today. One more child will be with their forever family for the upcoming Holidays. We move up.
/ fredrik
Monday, December 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
we've got some catching up to do....
I know, I know...it's been a while. I'm a little daunted by all I need to report. I can assure you we've been busy, busy, busy...which has certainly helped occupy our thoughts since we haven't moved up the list. IN FACT...we've actually moved BACK to unofficially #11 since one of the six families on hold in front of us came off being on hold.
At the end of August, we went to Sweden to celebrate the marriage of Fredrik's sister, Viktoria, to John. It was a lovely weekend, despite the fact that I arrived with a kidney infection (seriously miserable plane ride, thank goodness Kysa slept and was in good spirits, but fairly quick recovery once I got some antibiotics). The wedding gave us the opportunity to introduce Kysa to most all of her Swedish relatives. She showed everyone that she knows how to party by taking a power nap after dinner and coming back to the reception to dance until 1am. Sometimes jet lag can work in your favor.
We traveled up to Gothenburg for a few days and then took a train across the country to Stockholm where we stayed with good friends and Kysa enjoyed being around five other kids for a few days. I think she's ready for siblings! We had a fantastic time catching up with old friends and walking around Stockholm, Kysa became an official Swedish citizen and I quickly remembered what a GORGEOUS city Stockholm is and decided that we needed to move there.
I'm not packing my bags just yet....
Almost as soon as we touched down and had a chance to wash our dirty laundry, we spontaneously decided to made a quick weekend trip to New York. Here's why: Marcus Samuelsson (born in Ethiopia, adopted by Swedish parents, now lives in Harlem, and big time celebrity chef) held a benefit brunch at his home in Harlem to raise money for famine relief in Ethiopia. We had a great time and met other Ethiopian adoptive families, Ethiopians, Swedes...and generally enjoyed the company of an incredibly diverse, super-cool, BEAUTIFUL group of people.
We met Marcus and his wife, Maya. Maya claims to be from Ethiopia, but seriously, despite how gorgeous Ethiopians are, I don't think she's even from this planet...she's THAT beautiful. And gracious. We had a couple brief conversations, and after she kissed on Kysa, she actually thanked us for opening up our hearts to adopt. Wow. We enjoyed the food, drink and music, especially Kysa who hung out by the dj's table most of the afternoon. When Marcus gave a little talk near the end of the brunch he gave Kysa a shout out, calling her the "little blonde professional Ethiopian dancer." We left completely inspired and feeling so fortunate to be slowly, carefully and eagerly weaving ourselves into the Ethiopian community.
We spent the rest of our time walking around Manhattan. The weather was perfect and we literally clocked over 15 miles of walking in the three days we were there. We visited the Central Park Zoo, the Natural History Museum (Kysa now says "dinosaur" see video below), and we ate at some of our favorite spots, Bubby's and Caracas, just to name a few. Fredrik and I BOTH got homesick for our old city. New York, we miss you! But again, we're not packing our bags just yet.
We returned home, I unpacked our bags. I chopped off my hair (again), and then we repacked and we all headed up to Boone, NC were I spent 4 days training to be a doula. Though I still need to do a couple things to become certified, I am now an official "Dona International trained Doula!" Yippee!! While I was spending time in the company of several lovely ladies and two awesome teachers, Kysa and Fredrik spent time enjoying fall in Boone, and Kysa got to hang out with her grandparents. Great weekend!
Somewhere in the midst of all the travel we also got rid of our big couch to make more room for baby boy, I purged my closet.....Oh yeah, AND I attended a beautifully peaceful birth!
I'm not sure if all this travel, wishing to move to another country, or back to NY, cutting my hair (twice), becoming a doula, getting rid of furniture and clothes is related to the adoption. I'm not sure what other families have done to help cope with all the waiting, but we're obviously ready to embrace change. We're getting antsy. We're ready for a baby...
Given our present coping methods, if we don't have some movement soon who knows what we might do next. Move to Fiji? Matching tattoos? Take up family sky diving? We're open to suggestions...the more radical the better :-)
Om Shanti,
Allison
At the end of August, we went to Sweden to celebrate the marriage of Fredrik's sister, Viktoria, to John. It was a lovely weekend, despite the fact that I arrived with a kidney infection (seriously miserable plane ride, thank goodness Kysa slept and was in good spirits, but fairly quick recovery once I got some antibiotics). The wedding gave us the opportunity to introduce Kysa to most all of her Swedish relatives. She showed everyone that she knows how to party by taking a power nap after dinner and coming back to the reception to dance until 1am. Sometimes jet lag can work in your favor.
We traveled up to Gothenburg for a few days and then took a train across the country to Stockholm where we stayed with good friends and Kysa enjoyed being around five other kids for a few days. I think she's ready for siblings! We had a fantastic time catching up with old friends and walking around Stockholm, Kysa became an official Swedish citizen and I quickly remembered what a GORGEOUS city Stockholm is and decided that we needed to move there.
I'm not packing my bags just yet....
Almost as soon as we touched down and had a chance to wash our dirty laundry, we spontaneously decided to made a quick weekend trip to New York. Here's why: Marcus Samuelsson (born in Ethiopia, adopted by Swedish parents, now lives in Harlem, and big time celebrity chef) held a benefit brunch at his home in Harlem to raise money for famine relief in Ethiopia. We had a great time and met other Ethiopian adoptive families, Ethiopians, Swedes...and generally enjoyed the company of an incredibly diverse, super-cool, BEAUTIFUL group of people.
We met Marcus and his wife, Maya. Maya claims to be from Ethiopia, but seriously, despite how gorgeous Ethiopians are, I don't think she's even from this planet...she's THAT beautiful. And gracious. We had a couple brief conversations, and after she kissed on Kysa, she actually thanked us for opening up our hearts to adopt. Wow. We enjoyed the food, drink and music, especially Kysa who hung out by the dj's table most of the afternoon. When Marcus gave a little talk near the end of the brunch he gave Kysa a shout out, calling her the "little blonde professional Ethiopian dancer." We left completely inspired and feeling so fortunate to be slowly, carefully and eagerly weaving ourselves into the Ethiopian community.
We spent the rest of our time walking around Manhattan. The weather was perfect and we literally clocked over 15 miles of walking in the three days we were there. We visited the Central Park Zoo, the Natural History Museum (Kysa now says "dinosaur" see video below), and we ate at some of our favorite spots, Bubby's and Caracas, just to name a few. Fredrik and I BOTH got homesick for our old city. New York, we miss you! But again, we're not packing our bags just yet.
We returned home, I unpacked our bags. I chopped off my hair (again), and then we repacked and we all headed up to Boone, NC were I spent 4 days training to be a doula. Though I still need to do a couple things to become certified, I am now an official "Dona International trained Doula!" Yippee!! While I was spending time in the company of several lovely ladies and two awesome teachers, Kysa and Fredrik spent time enjoying fall in Boone, and Kysa got to hang out with her grandparents. Great weekend!
Somewhere in the midst of all the travel we also got rid of our big couch to make more room for baby boy, I purged my closet.....Oh yeah, AND I attended a beautifully peaceful birth!
I'm not sure if all this travel, wishing to move to another country, or back to NY, cutting my hair (twice), becoming a doula, getting rid of furniture and clothes is related to the adoption. I'm not sure what other families have done to help cope with all the waiting, but we're obviously ready to embrace change. We're getting antsy. We're ready for a baby...
Given our present coping methods, if we don't have some movement soon who knows what we might do next. Move to Fiji? Matching tattoos? Take up family sky diving? We're open to suggestions...the more radical the better :-)
Om Shanti,
Allison
Sunday, August 21, 2011
are we locked and loaded?
After sprinting up the wait list ladder from early May to late June, we have officially come to a steady halt. There has been no movement in almost two months. We still remain officially #16, and unofficially (we think) #10 with 6 families on hold in front of us. I'm not even sure how I feel about it....resigned, I suppose.
I do know that it has to be easier to wait for a child BEFORE the referral rather than the waiting after we've been matched and have seen his little face. Knowing this keeps things in perspective. I don't want to think about the waiting AFTER the referral. I know it will test me in ways beyond what I can imagine.
It's hard to get too discouraged when sweet Kysa fills our days, but honestly, after now being in this process for over a year it feels incredibly nebulous. Our friends and neighbors are having babies we imagined would be about the same age as our baby boy...but we're just not sure now. I've allowed myself to buy a few things for Mamoosh so that he stays REAL not just some fantasy. But I do find myself wondering sometimes if it will ever happen....
We did get a hint of good news this week in an email from our adoption coordinator. Here's the quick message:
I do know that it has to be easier to wait for a child BEFORE the referral rather than the waiting after we've been matched and have seen his little face. Knowing this keeps things in perspective. I don't want to think about the waiting AFTER the referral. I know it will test me in ways beyond what I can imagine.
It's hard to get too discouraged when sweet Kysa fills our days, but honestly, after now being in this process for over a year it feels incredibly nebulous. Our friends and neighbors are having babies we imagined would be about the same age as our baby boy...but we're just not sure now. I've allowed myself to buy a few things for Mamoosh so that he stays REAL not just some fantasy. But I do find myself wondering sometimes if it will ever happen....
We did get a hint of good news this week in an email from our adoption coordinator. Here's the quick message:
Just wanted to let you know that your dossier was sent today to Ethiopia. Once it has arrived, it will be translated and wait to be matched with a referral. 
I guess that means they're getting us locked and loaded.
Fredrik did ask our coordinator directly why there have been so few referrals and this is her answer:
I guess that means they're getting us locked and loaded.
Fredrik did ask our coordinator directly why there have been so few referrals and this is her answer:
The regional MOWA in one of the regions we work in has been slow to approve any paperwork as they just finished inspecting all the orphanages in that region. The regional MOWA closed many orphanages, none of which we worked with, so the MOWA is having to take care of relocating the children from those orphanages. Our staff reports to us that the regional MOWA is experiencing a ‘back-lash’ from all the changes that they are trying to implement. They feel it is temporary and should be resolved soon. We do work with another orphanage in a different region and are slowly giving out referrals from them (although mostly older children).
*MOWA is Ministry Of Women's Affairs
We're hoping that once MOWA gets the children from the closed care centers into their new care centers that the referrals will pick back up again.
Please keep all the children being shuffled around in your thoughts and prayers...they all deserve Forever Homes.
Namaste.
Allison
*MOWA is Ministry Of Women's Affairs
We're hoping that once MOWA gets the children from the closed care centers into their new care centers that the referrals will pick back up again.
Please keep all the children being shuffled around in your thoughts and prayers...they all deserve Forever Homes.
Namaste.
Allison
Saturday, August 6, 2011
I am not enough...
I've been procrastinating. Writing this post means having to put my feelings into words, and I haven't wanted to turn the images and fears that haunt my dreams and waking hours into coherent thoughts.
While I was pregnant with Kysa, every meal I ate became a gift to my growing child...it was the only real gift I could give her on a daily basis along with sending her thoughts of love and providing a stress free environment for her growth and development. Every locally grown salad, bowl of organic berries, or whole wheat bread became a gift of love to her. I, alone could provide my child nutrition, love and safety. It was so easy and simple. It was empowering to feel that I was enough...
This week we watched the nightly news during our dinner time. The images from the Horn of Africa bring our conversation to a halt and we stop eating as Fredrik and I retreat into ourselves to listen, watch and process. After the segment is over I busy myself with Kysa and Fredrik begins to clear the plates. Dinner is over. I'm feeling physically ill. We avoid each others' gaze, but I feel Fredrik watching me to see if I'm okay. When I can breathe again I initiate the conversation, and we begin to process the information together moving from general concern for the entire region to the very personal. This has been our nightly dance.
And while waiting for our son is hard enough, the famine in Ethiopia and surrounding countries makes the wait excruciating. I just know there is a baby boy who NEEDS us and we are so ready to be his family. We are so willing to help...yet we wait and wait for our number to be called.
I feel utterly powerless. I am not enough...
If you haven't been following the news, please take a look at these images from The Economist posted below. If the people in the images seem far away, foreign and not a part of your world then please consider your connection to me. If you are reading this you are most likely a friend or family member...or also involved in adoption in some way. Please see these people as MY family, because quite simply...they are.
This is what I see:
Every skeletal baby is my son, every desperate yet stoic mother is his birth mother, every defeated man is my son's birth father, every group of weary children are my son's siblings, the masses of people are his fellow countrymen, his tribe, his community....and that makes them mine. It's personal...oh, so personal.
http://www.economist.com/blogs/baobab/2011/08/pictures
Please consider joining Fredrik and me in sending aid to one of these agencies:
IRC (International Rescue Committee) - https://www.rescue.org/donate/drought_africa
World Food Program - https://www.wfp.org/donate/hoa_banners
USAID - http://www.usaid.gov/hornofafrica/
Oxfam - http://www.oxfam.org/en/emergencies/east-africa-food-crisis#donate
We appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and any aid you might send to our family in the Horn of Africa...
Aum Shanti-
Allison
While I was pregnant with Kysa, every meal I ate became a gift to my growing child...it was the only real gift I could give her on a daily basis along with sending her thoughts of love and providing a stress free environment for her growth and development. Every locally grown salad, bowl of organic berries, or whole wheat bread became a gift of love to her. I, alone could provide my child nutrition, love and safety. It was so easy and simple. It was empowering to feel that I was enough...
This week we watched the nightly news during our dinner time. The images from the Horn of Africa bring our conversation to a halt and we stop eating as Fredrik and I retreat into ourselves to listen, watch and process. After the segment is over I busy myself with Kysa and Fredrik begins to clear the plates. Dinner is over. I'm feeling physically ill. We avoid each others' gaze, but I feel Fredrik watching me to see if I'm okay. When I can breathe again I initiate the conversation, and we begin to process the information together moving from general concern for the entire region to the very personal. This has been our nightly dance.
And while waiting for our son is hard enough, the famine in Ethiopia and surrounding countries makes the wait excruciating. I just know there is a baby boy who NEEDS us and we are so ready to be his family. We are so willing to help...yet we wait and wait for our number to be called.
I feel utterly powerless. I am not enough...
If you haven't been following the news, please take a look at these images from The Economist posted below. If the people in the images seem far away, foreign and not a part of your world then please consider your connection to me. If you are reading this you are most likely a friend or family member...or also involved in adoption in some way. Please see these people as MY family, because quite simply...they are.
This is what I see:
Every skeletal baby is my son, every desperate yet stoic mother is his birth mother, every defeated man is my son's birth father, every group of weary children are my son's siblings, the masses of people are his fellow countrymen, his tribe, his community....and that makes them mine. It's personal...oh, so personal.
http://www.economist.com/blogs/baobab/2011/08/pictures
Please consider joining Fredrik and me in sending aid to one of these agencies:
IRC (International Rescue Committee) - https://www.rescue.org/donate/drought_africa
World Food Program - https://www.wfp.org/donate/hoa_banners
USAID - http://www.usaid.gov/hornofafrica/
Oxfam - http://www.oxfam.org/en/emergencies/east-africa-food-crisis#donate
We appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and any aid you might send to our family in the Horn of Africa...
Aum Shanti-
Allison
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
We are the world, and this time it's personal
Beautiful beaches along the North Carolina coast. Wonderful friends with whom to share memories and dreams. Amazing food and drinks to get us through each day...no shortage of anything we could imagine.
This entire week we are most blessed to have our little Kysa around at all times. Her smile cannot help but place a mirror image on the faces of everyone she meets. It's a household full of smiles this week.
Personally, I needed this vacation. I needed to get away, to relax, to escape work for a few short days. It's been wonderful, a real mental break. I even finished my book... ah, many months in the making. Thank goodness for a vacation, the best time to catch up on that reading I have wanted to finish for a long time. The book I finished is called "There is No Me Without You" by Melissa Fay Greene.
It's impossible to summarize a 400+ page book in a few sentences and do it justice, but I can share my reaction. I hurt that there are millions of orphans in Ethiopia. I feel for the pain those childrens and families have to go through. I praise those before us who have ventured to adopt from Ethiopia and other countries and given those children a chance and some love. I cried.
We sit at Topsail Beach this week eating well, sipping drinks, surfing, swimming and laughing. I hope next summer we will be a family of four. But right now we are also aware of the suffering going on in Ethiopia and the surrounding Horn of Africa countries - a famine worse than in many decades, caused by nature but made worse by inactivity, denial or outright inhumanity by the rest of the world. As of this week, 11.6 million people are in desperate need of humanitarian aid in this part of the world - of which 3.2 million effected are Ethiopians. Those are fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters. Yes, it made the nightly news last week. But what else is being done..what else can be done? 20 years ago we sang "We are the World". As another mother of Ethiopian adopted children said this week, "this time it's personal". Yes, this time it is personal.
Read more about the current famines: http://reliefweb.int/node/436245
Somewhere 7,447 miles from here a family is living that has had or will have a son, that will one day be our son. Perhaps they are doing moderately well, perhaps they are not impacted at all by the famines.. or, perhaps they are one of the 3.2 million who are either directly or indirectly impacted by these famines. Tonight I think of that family. I want to spread their word. If you read this, please listen and absorb the words don't just let them gloss over like words in a magazine article. If you read this you are obviously a family member, a friend or a follower with high interest in this region or our story. You can help. "Just 50 US cents per day is enough to feed a hungry child or a mother on the edge or survival." - UN World Food Program on help needed in the Horn of Africa.
We contacted our adoption agency for advice. While they cannot endorse a particular aid organization, they did share some names of places that could use your help. I list them here with links to their pages. Now the rest is up to you, as you can see above... it doesn't take much.
IRC (International Rescue Committee) - https://www.rescue.org/donate/drought_africa
World Food Program - https://www.wfp.org/donate/hoa_banners
USAID - http://www.usaid.gov/hornofafrica/
Oxfam - http://www.oxfam.org/en/emergencies/east-africa-food-crisis#donate
In addition, we continue to support and believe in the work that AHOPE is doing in Ethiopia with HIV/AIDS children. Read the book I was talking about and you'll understand the importance of this organization too.
AHOPE - http://www.ahopeforchildren.org/
Most of you reading this are blessed and are also likely enjoying wonderful time with family and friends this summer. This is amazing, you should enjoy it thoroughly and be thankful. That song 20 years ago was a little corny and today risks sounding very 'old school'. No need to go dig up that old recording or search for it on You Tube or Pandora (although you may get a laugh if you do). Still, we really are the world. It's not a very big place. Somewhere out there a child is hungry...that might be our son. This time it is personal.
Love.
/ fredrik
This entire week we are most blessed to have our little Kysa around at all times. Her smile cannot help but place a mirror image on the faces of everyone she meets. It's a household full of smiles this week.
Personally, I needed this vacation. I needed to get away, to relax, to escape work for a few short days. It's been wonderful, a real mental break. I even finished my book... ah, many months in the making. Thank goodness for a vacation, the best time to catch up on that reading I have wanted to finish for a long time. The book I finished is called "There is No Me Without You" by Melissa Fay Greene.
It's impossible to summarize a 400+ page book in a few sentences and do it justice, but I can share my reaction. I hurt that there are millions of orphans in Ethiopia. I feel for the pain those childrens and families have to go through. I praise those before us who have ventured to adopt from Ethiopia and other countries and given those children a chance and some love. I cried.
We sit at Topsail Beach this week eating well, sipping drinks, surfing, swimming and laughing. I hope next summer we will be a family of four. But right now we are also aware of the suffering going on in Ethiopia and the surrounding Horn of Africa countries - a famine worse than in many decades, caused by nature but made worse by inactivity, denial or outright inhumanity by the rest of the world. As of this week, 11.6 million people are in desperate need of humanitarian aid in this part of the world - of which 3.2 million effected are Ethiopians. Those are fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters. Yes, it made the nightly news last week. But what else is being done..what else can be done? 20 years ago we sang "We are the World". As another mother of Ethiopian adopted children said this week, "this time it's personal". Yes, this time it is personal.
Read more about the current famines: http://reliefweb.int/node/436245
Somewhere 7,447 miles from here a family is living that has had or will have a son, that will one day be our son. Perhaps they are doing moderately well, perhaps they are not impacted at all by the famines.. or, perhaps they are one of the 3.2 million who are either directly or indirectly impacted by these famines. Tonight I think of that family. I want to spread their word. If you read this, please listen and absorb the words don't just let them gloss over like words in a magazine article. If you read this you are obviously a family member, a friend or a follower with high interest in this region or our story. You can help. "Just 50 US cents per day is enough to feed a hungry child or a mother on the edge or survival." - UN World Food Program on help needed in the Horn of Africa.
We contacted our adoption agency for advice. While they cannot endorse a particular aid organization, they did share some names of places that could use your help. I list them here with links to their pages. Now the rest is up to you, as you can see above... it doesn't take much.
IRC (International Rescue Committee) - https://www.rescue.org/donate/drought_africa
World Food Program - https://www.wfp.org/donate/hoa_banners
USAID - http://www.usaid.gov/hornofafrica/
Oxfam - http://www.oxfam.org/en/emergencies/east-africa-food-crisis#donate
In addition, we continue to support and believe in the work that AHOPE is doing in Ethiopia with HIV/AIDS children. Read the book I was talking about and you'll understand the importance of this organization too.
AHOPE - http://www.ahopeforchildren.org/
Most of you reading this are blessed and are also likely enjoying wonderful time with family and friends this summer. This is amazing, you should enjoy it thoroughly and be thankful. That song 20 years ago was a little corny and today risks sounding very 'old school'. No need to go dig up that old recording or search for it on You Tube or Pandora (although you may get a laugh if you do). Still, we really are the world. It's not a very big place. Somewhere out there a child is hungry...that might be our son. This time it is personal.
Love.
/ fredrik
Monday, July 11, 2011
Doesn't feel like good news...
Fredrik and I have been so excited by the multiple referrals recently and our seemingly rapid movement up the wait list.. We've loved all the excitement from family and friends who celebrate with us and encourage us as we climb the wait list ladder.
While trying to be realistic we check the blog multiple times a day to see if there's any movement and it seems weekly there's at least one or two referrals. Some of these referrals don't move us closer to our baby, but nonetheless it's a happy time to celebrate a child getting a forever family.
Today our agency posted new wait list estimates.
Infant Girl (0-2 years): 13 months
Infant Boy (0-2 years): 12 months
Toddler Girl (2-4 years): 6 months
Toddler Boy (2-4 years): 4 1/2 months
Older children (5 and up): under two months.
Please bear in mind that these times are estimates. We have no control over the timing of children in need of families. However, if the trend continues over the next few months, we anticipate all wait times being under one year.
So while I think this is suppose to be good news, I think I was getting WAY too optimistic. In my mind I was hoping for a fall referral and bringing baby boy home sometime this winter. Sigh. We're still #10 unofficially, we think, so who knows....
Fredrik gets to say, "I told you so...."
Bleh.
While trying to be realistic we check the blog multiple times a day to see if there's any movement and it seems weekly there's at least one or two referrals. Some of these referrals don't move us closer to our baby, but nonetheless it's a happy time to celebrate a child getting a forever family.
Today our agency posted new wait list estimates.
Infant Girl (0-2 years): 13 months
Infant Boy (0-2 years): 12 months
Toddler Girl (2-4 years): 6 months
Toddler Boy (2-4 years): 4 1/2 months
Older children (5 and up): under two months.
Please bear in mind that these times are estimates. We have no control over the timing of children in need of families. However, if the trend continues over the next few months, we anticipate all wait times being under one year.
So while I think this is suppose to be good news, I think I was getting WAY too optimistic. In my mind I was hoping for a fall referral and bringing baby boy home sometime this winter. Sigh. We're still #10 unofficially, we think, so who knows....
Fredrik gets to say, "I told you so...."
Bleh.
Friday, July 8, 2011
A few more pieces of the puzzle
We have been on the wait list for 2 months now, but just this week we completed a few more pieces of the puzzle before getting ready for our referral. On Monday this week we finally completed our online educational component and answered the questionnaire. On Tuesday we went one last time (can that really be true?) to the bank to notarize our I-171H form from the USCIS. Envelopes addressed, check. Stamps, check. Done (with these pieces of the puzzle).
Somehow it feels no different as we have been waiting and moving up the list already at rapid pace. But, an amazing feeling that now all the paperwork really might just be in place. We hold our breath.
Easy to sit back and feel that the puzzle is completed, but when you really think about it and pull back the lens... you realize that the reality is only a few pieces in the corner are set and remaining are thousands of puzzle pieces scattered and waiting for their opportunity to tell a story. I can't wait to see each piece, lay each piece and see the beautiful story unfold.
/ fredrik
Somehow it feels no different as we have been waiting and moving up the list already at rapid pace. But, an amazing feeling that now all the paperwork really might just be in place. We hold our breath.
Easy to sit back and feel that the puzzle is completed, but when you really think about it and pull back the lens... you realize that the reality is only a few pieces in the corner are set and remaining are thousands of puzzle pieces scattered and waiting for their opportunity to tell a story. I can't wait to see each piece, lay each piece and see the beautiful story unfold.
/ fredrik
Monday, June 27, 2011
Hard to fathom being at #10 (ok, #16)
Our journey keeps going. Another week, another referral that moves us up the list.
Just this afternoon Allison says to me, "it's hard to check the [IAN] web site and not see a referral that moves us up the list." Yeah, I agree. But I keep telling her, they don't happen every day... not even every week or month sometimes. Yet, they actually DO seem to keep coming. By the end of the day we officially moved up another spot to #16 (unofficially #10 with some families on 'hold').
It's hard not to try to do the math. So, if there is 1 referral per week and we are unofficially #10 and everyone else stays on 'hold' then we will get our referral...
It's hard not to rearrange the house in your mind. So, we'll need to get that extra stroller seat, that extra high chair, that extra car seat, those boy clothes, that other bed...
It's hard not to visualize our family with Mamoosh even more now. So, we really are within grasp of this moment that just a few months ago seemed so far away. Just this last weekend we had a mini Kysa photoshoot with Tamara. Our precious little Kysa so cute with her blonde little curls. But we still can't help talk to Tamara about having her there at the airport to capture our coming home with Mamoosh and those first moments in Charleston with our two beautiful children. I can't wait for that moment...
It's hard not to check the IAN web site daily. Good night for now, I hope to blog again tomorrow [after I check the IAN web site again].
/ fredrik
Just this afternoon Allison says to me, "it's hard to check the [IAN] web site and not see a referral that moves us up the list." Yeah, I agree. But I keep telling her, they don't happen every day... not even every week or month sometimes. Yet, they actually DO seem to keep coming. By the end of the day we officially moved up another spot to #16 (unofficially #10 with some families on 'hold').
It's hard not to try to do the math. So, if there is 1 referral per week and we are unofficially #10 and everyone else stays on 'hold' then we will get our referral...
It's hard not to rearrange the house in your mind. So, we'll need to get that extra stroller seat, that extra high chair, that extra car seat, those boy clothes, that other bed...
It's hard not to visualize our family with Mamoosh even more now. So, we really are within grasp of this moment that just a few months ago seemed so far away. Just this last weekend we had a mini Kysa photoshoot with Tamara. Our precious little Kysa so cute with her blonde little curls. But we still can't help talk to Tamara about having her there at the airport to capture our coming home with Mamoosh and those first moments in Charleston with our two beautiful children. I can't wait for that moment...
It's hard not to check the IAN web site daily. Good night for now, I hope to blog again tomorrow [after I check the IAN web site again].
/ fredrik
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Light Bulb Bustin' Gratitude
Last night I couldn't sleep, and in the early morning hours my mind began to race about the adoption. After several useless minutes of mind spinning, I was able to rest my mind on our son's Enat (Amharic word for mother). I was able to finally go back to sleep by breathing her thoughts of love and gratitude.
This morning I went to yoga tired, emotionally raw, and my knees and back hurt. I dedicated my practice to Enat as I do every day. Towards the end of class we rolled onto our backs to prepare for back bending practice. My teacher, Jeffrey, began to talk about heart opening and gratitude, and he encouraged us to offer up our efforts to something or someone else. I closed my eyes and thought of Enat, my exhaustion and pain had long disappeared and I felt a deep sense of peace and joy. A smile began to escape my lips despite the effort ahead of me. At that precise moment there was a sharp crack of glass shattering, as the light bulb directly over my head burst and rained down on me.
Just me.
Just around my mat.
Seriously. I couldn't make this up.
Glass was in my hair, my clothes, stuck in my mat, and to my sweaty skin. I could still feel the residue of the peace and joy I felt only seconds before as I looked around me with wonder.
Jeffrey grabbed a broom and swept up the glass around me, and I continued class searching for meaning in the light bulb explosion, monkey mind spinning...Is Enat okay? is she still alive?...was our son just born?...is he okay? (and then embarrassingly, my ego kicked in)...was that a siddhi (special yogic power)? did the enormity of my gratitude bust the light bulb?
And then on the way home I remembered...
Jeffrey started class with the study of the following yoga sutra: abhyasa vairagyaabhyam tan nirodhah
meaning: fluctuations of the mind can be stopped with practice and non-attachment.
He asked each student to rephrase the sutra in our own words.
My version was:
Coming to the mat everyday without taking yourself seriously will bring you sanity.
And so began the conversation with myself that sounded a bit like this in my head...
Slow down, Yogamama, while you might be capable of more than you can imagine, you are NOT an X-men. Thinking that you are capable of blowing up a light bulb with your gratitude probably falls under the category of taking yourself too seriously.
And so light bulb (and Jeffrey-ji), I thank you for simultaneously teaching me the power of possibility and humility. I don't believe in coincidence and perhaps there is a connection to my gratitude, the light bulb and Enat, perhaps it's just time for Jivamukti to change their light bulbs, or perhaps I needed a light bulb to literally explode over my head to teach me a deeper meaning of the yoga sutra.
I'll never know.
And I'm okay with that.
Back to the mat. With light bulb bustin' gratitude.
Swaha.
This morning I went to yoga tired, emotionally raw, and my knees and back hurt. I dedicated my practice to Enat as I do every day. Towards the end of class we rolled onto our backs to prepare for back bending practice. My teacher, Jeffrey, began to talk about heart opening and gratitude, and he encouraged us to offer up our efforts to something or someone else. I closed my eyes and thought of Enat, my exhaustion and pain had long disappeared and I felt a deep sense of peace and joy. A smile began to escape my lips despite the effort ahead of me. At that precise moment there was a sharp crack of glass shattering, as the light bulb directly over my head burst and rained down on me.
Just me.
Just around my mat.
Seriously. I couldn't make this up.
Glass was in my hair, my clothes, stuck in my mat, and to my sweaty skin. I could still feel the residue of the peace and joy I felt only seconds before as I looked around me with wonder.
Jeffrey grabbed a broom and swept up the glass around me, and I continued class searching for meaning in the light bulb explosion, monkey mind spinning...Is Enat okay? is she still alive?...was our son just born?...is he okay? (and then embarrassingly, my ego kicked in)...was that a siddhi (special yogic power)? did the enormity of my gratitude bust the light bulb?
And then on the way home I remembered...
Jeffrey started class with the study of the following yoga sutra: abhyasa vairagyaabhyam tan nirodhah
meaning: fluctuations of the mind can be stopped with practice and non-attachment.
He asked each student to rephrase the sutra in our own words.
My version was:
Coming to the mat everyday without taking yourself seriously will bring you sanity.
And so began the conversation with myself that sounded a bit like this in my head...
Slow down, Yogamama, while you might be capable of more than you can imagine, you are NOT an X-men. Thinking that you are capable of blowing up a light bulb with your gratitude probably falls under the category of taking yourself too seriously.
And so light bulb (and Jeffrey-ji), I thank you for simultaneously teaching me the power of possibility and humility. I don't believe in coincidence and perhaps there is a connection to my gratitude, the light bulb and Enat, perhaps it's just time for Jivamukti to change their light bulbs, or perhaps I needed a light bulb to literally explode over my head to teach me a deeper meaning of the yoga sutra.
I'll never know.
And I'm okay with that.
Back to the mat. With light bulb bustin' gratitude.
Swaha.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
...and when 17 means 11
...another referral today means we are now #17 officially and #11 unofficially!
Please continue to keep our baby boy and his birth mom in your thoughts and prayers. We thank you all for your enthusiasm and support.
Aum Shanti,
Allison
Please continue to keep our baby boy and his birth mom in your thoughts and prayers. We thank you all for your enthusiasm and support.
Aum Shanti,
Allison
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
When 18 means 12....
There's been a string of referrals lately, and we've moved from our place at #23 on May 3 to #18 today! We also learned there are 6 families ahead of us who are "on hold," meaning they are not accepting referrals now. This means they may have gotten pregnant or want to wait a bit before accepting a referral.
Soooooo, unofficially this means we're #12!!!! It's beginning to feel kinda real and I'm feeling all tingly as I write this. Whoa. Whoa...
Here's the email exchange between me, our adoption coordinator, and Fredrik
AW: Hey Cat! I just saw you had a referral for another baby boy! I just wanted to confirm our status. Are we #19 now, and are there still 6 families on hold?
Cat: Hi Allison! Surprise, you are number 18!! There has been a bunch of movement lately, so I double checked. :-) Yes, there are still 6 families on hold before you.
A: Whoop Whoop!! Great news!! Thanks so much ;-)
F: holy smokes, holy smokes, holy smokes, holy smokes, holy smo.....
A: yowza!!!
As an aside, two nights ago I supported the birth of little Emma. Her mom was one of my prenatal yoga students. For the last few weeks I've seen Emma kick and dance around while her mom reclined in goddess pose during the relaxation part of class. Each time I saw her move I would think of my son perhaps dancing in someone else's belly on the other side of the world. I was blessed to witness Emma's arrival on Monday night. She was born beautifully and majestically in water after several hours of labor with soothing music, low lights, candles and 5 loving beings to greet her and help her transition with ease into this world. Her mom, Megan, was a brave and powerful goddess who was surrounded by loving beings all day. She was encouraged, massaged, and loved as she labored. While I was very present for the event, I couldn't help think of my son and his birth mother and wonder about his appearance day. I pray our son's mother is supported by loving, caring hands and I hope he transitions easily into this world and somehow knows how much he is wanted. Being able to support Megan and Emma made me feel connected to my son and his birth mother. I'm so grateful....
Friday, May 27, 2011
Biometrics and Wait List Movement
Today we did one of our very last things needed for the adoption, aside from waiting patiently and two trips across the world. Today we did more fingerprinting, or the more sophisticated term: biometrics. Sounds much more sci-fi cool than it really was.
What I learned about myself today is that I have the hands of a manual laborer. This is the second time we've had to go through biometrics, and both times the person asked if I work with my hands, and had to do my prints over and over until the machine accepted them. Fredrik's prints were accepted first attempt. Mine took a while. They got frustrated. With me.
Could it have been the several years of childhood I spent ripping the skin off my hands doing uneven parallel bars as a gymnast, or holding leather reins through years of horseback riding, or mucking countless stalls? For the last 15 years I've been a dancer, and a yogini...good thing they didn't need prints of my feet!
Aside from a small hit to my vanity, it is done.
AND....we learned today we've moved up the list to #21. Whoa.
Happy Memorial Day Everybody!!
What I learned about myself today is that I have the hands of a manual laborer. This is the second time we've had to go through biometrics, and both times the person asked if I work with my hands, and had to do my prints over and over until the machine accepted them. Fredrik's prints were accepted first attempt. Mine took a while. They got frustrated. With me.
Could it have been the several years of childhood I spent ripping the skin off my hands doing uneven parallel bars as a gymnast, or holding leather reins through years of horseback riding, or mucking countless stalls? For the last 15 years I've been a dancer, and a yogini...good thing they didn't need prints of my feet!
Aside from a small hit to my vanity, it is done.
AND....we learned today we've moved up the list to #21. Whoa.
Happy Memorial Day Everybody!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mothers Day/Dear Sister (2)
Dear Sister,
There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of you. I continue to meet you daily on my yoga mat, and you whisper inspiration in my ear as I send wishes for peace, wellness, and hope to you. The word Enat (mother) constantly rides my breath. As strange as it sounds, I feel a deep connection to you.
My husband and I started this process eight months ago, and had no idea how long it would take just to get our paperwork complete...but we hit a milestone this week. We're officially waiting to be matched for adoption with our son, your son. I really thought I would celebrate the moment we were given a number, and in reality we did celebrate and share our news with friends, but all I can really think of now is you. I still think about where you might be in your pregnancy, if our son is born, if he is safe, if you are safe, if you are able to provide food and shelter for yourself and for our son. I wonder if you are able to take care of yourself if you are sick, or find strength if you are abused. Sometimes I wonder if I am already connecting with your spirit if you have left your body...
I sit here after spending Mother's Day today with my family and celebrating my daughter's 1st birthday earlier this week. My heart is brimming over with love and gratitude. My daughter has tapped into a space in my heart I never knew existed...a place only children can touch. I constantly think of you and the events that will take place, or have already taken place that will bring you to the event or decision to give up your son. I know that you aren't taking your decision lightly, no mother could. I know mothers would give up their lives for their children, and perhaps you already have...
I want so badly to get the call we've been matched with our son. I want to see his face, I want to meet him, hold him, and bring him into our home and wrap him with love and shower him with sweet kisses...but I am aware as we sit at #23 on the list, 23 babies (including our son) must loose their birth moms, and families, and culture, and you must endure emotional and perhaps physical pain that I cannot begin to fathom. This knowledge brings sobriety to the waiting excitement and anxiety.
I want you to know I don't take any of this lightly. I want you to know my family thinks of you, we talk about you, we worry about you. It isn't impossible that by this time next year we could have our son (yours and mine) in our home in Charleston. I know that our home will always be second best to you, his birth mother, and I will do my best to honor you everyday as I raise our son. Your presence is most welcome in our hearts and home. Though half a world away, you are already a part of our lives and we welcome you.
The light in me bows to the light in you.
Namaste.
Allison
There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of you. I continue to meet you daily on my yoga mat, and you whisper inspiration in my ear as I send wishes for peace, wellness, and hope to you. The word Enat (mother) constantly rides my breath. As strange as it sounds, I feel a deep connection to you.
My husband and I started this process eight months ago, and had no idea how long it would take just to get our paperwork complete...but we hit a milestone this week. We're officially waiting to be matched for adoption with our son, your son. I really thought I would celebrate the moment we were given a number, and in reality we did celebrate and share our news with friends, but all I can really think of now is you. I still think about where you might be in your pregnancy, if our son is born, if he is safe, if you are safe, if you are able to provide food and shelter for yourself and for our son. I wonder if you are able to take care of yourself if you are sick, or find strength if you are abused. Sometimes I wonder if I am already connecting with your spirit if you have left your body...
I sit here after spending Mother's Day today with my family and celebrating my daughter's 1st birthday earlier this week. My heart is brimming over with love and gratitude. My daughter has tapped into a space in my heart I never knew existed...a place only children can touch. I constantly think of you and the events that will take place, or have already taken place that will bring you to the event or decision to give up your son. I know that you aren't taking your decision lightly, no mother could. I know mothers would give up their lives for their children, and perhaps you already have...
I want so badly to get the call we've been matched with our son. I want to see his face, I want to meet him, hold him, and bring him into our home and wrap him with love and shower him with sweet kisses...but I am aware as we sit at #23 on the list, 23 babies (including our son) must loose their birth moms, and families, and culture, and you must endure emotional and perhaps physical pain that I cannot begin to fathom. This knowledge brings sobriety to the waiting excitement and anxiety.
I want you to know I don't take any of this lightly. I want you to know my family thinks of you, we talk about you, we worry about you. It isn't impossible that by this time next year we could have our son (yours and mine) in our home in Charleston. I know that our home will always be second best to you, his birth mother, and I will do my best to honor you everyday as I raise our son. Your presence is most welcome in our hearts and home. Though half a world away, you are already a part of our lives and we welcome you.
The light in me bows to the light in you.
Namaste.
Allison
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
#23
Less than 24 hours ago, I believed. And, today we got the news... we are OFFICIALLY #23 on the infant boy waiting list. Amazing that after 8 months of starts, stops, zigs and zags we are finally waiting. In adoption lingo... we are now "adoption pregnant".
Thank you for all the support we have gotten from so many of you up to this point. We will need it now more than ever. It might sound like this has been the hard part, but honestly I think the hard parts are just starting. At least up until now we had lots to do that kept us focused. Now all we have is waiting, waiting and more waiting.
So, here's what comes next. Sometime in the next 9 to 12 (or, as long as 18? 24?) months we will get a referral for an infant boy less than 24 months old. Shortly afterwards we will receive a court date in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and need to make travel arrangements for at least a 7-10 day journey. At this first court appearance we will show up to confirm our desire to adopt our son, and on the same day his birth family members will validate their need to give up rights to this child. Wow, that'll be emotional. Depending on the circumstances, we hope to have a chance to meet with and talk to members of the birth family. It could be our only chance to get information to give our son about his history. We will then have to return to the USA without our son... and then wait some more. A couple of months later we will return to Addis Ababa for another 7-10 days for a US Embassy date and pick up our son officially.
Let the unofficial betting begin. You thought picking a date of birth for a biological child was hard, try picking the date we bring our son home from Ethiopia!
/ fredrik
Thank you for all the support we have gotten from so many of you up to this point. We will need it now more than ever. It might sound like this has been the hard part, but honestly I think the hard parts are just starting. At least up until now we had lots to do that kept us focused. Now all we have is waiting, waiting and more waiting.
So, here's what comes next. Sometime in the next 9 to 12 (or, as long as 18? 24?) months we will get a referral for an infant boy less than 24 months old. Shortly afterwards we will receive a court date in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and need to make travel arrangements for at least a 7-10 day journey. At this first court appearance we will show up to confirm our desire to adopt our son, and on the same day his birth family members will validate their need to give up rights to this child. Wow, that'll be emotional. Depending on the circumstances, we hope to have a chance to meet with and talk to members of the birth family. It could be our only chance to get information to give our son about his history. We will then have to return to the USA without our son... and then wait some more. A couple of months later we will return to Addis Ababa for another 7-10 days for a US Embassy date and pick up our son officially.
Let the unofficial betting begin. You thought picking a date of birth for a biological child was hard, try picking the date we bring our son home from Ethiopia!
/ fredrik
Monday, May 2, 2011
Is it possible? Part two.
It's amazing how something as constant as time seems to play games with you. You know those days that seem to take forever but the week flies by? Or, the party planning and prep that seems to never end but the party itself is over before you know it? That's how I feel after looking back and realizing that on April 5th we posted that we were only moments away from having our paperwork completed and being placed on the official wait list. April 5th doesn't seem that long ago, but somehow a month has passed and yet I still feel the same... any day now we should (really) be on the official wait list for our little boy. This week, I believe this week. I believe.
This isn't to say we've been sitting around waiting. While the adoption and the process is never far from our minds, April and into early May have been beautiful in our home. My lovely wife's birthday, a good friend's book debut and book signing party, Easter brunch at our neighbor's house with friends, an evening listening to jazz at our neighborhood park and to top it all off... today's 1st birthday of our amazing little girl, Kysa! We are really blessed to have such rich experiences to get us through this adoption process. Still, I cannot help think about all these same things happening next year.. maybe then we will have our son with us too? How cool...
Vamos! Come on! Kom igen! We are ready to wait!
/ fredrik
This isn't to say we've been sitting around waiting. While the adoption and the process is never far from our minds, April and into early May have been beautiful in our home. My lovely wife's birthday, a good friend's book debut and book signing party, Easter brunch at our neighbor's house with friends, an evening listening to jazz at our neighborhood park and to top it all off... today's 1st birthday of our amazing little girl, Kysa! We are really blessed to have such rich experiences to get us through this adoption process. Still, I cannot help think about all these same things happening next year.. maybe then we will have our son with us too? How cool...
Vamos! Come on! Kom igen! We are ready to wait!
/ fredrik
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Is it possible?
I think we're close to a milestone people!
Is it possible we've taken our last stack of documents to the bank to be notarized?
Is it possible we've made our last stack of photocopies and then rushed to FedEx before 5:00 for the last time?
Is it possible we're finished with the mind-numbing, hurry-up-and-wait paperwork and ready to be placed on a wait list?
Is it possible we've hasseled our kind and generous references for just ONE MORE reference letter (thank you, thank you, thank you adoption angels)
We're not wanting to get too overconfident...but it could be possible.
Our dossier is almost complete, it's being compiled, checked and double checked and when our fantastic dossier expert, Kate sends it to our agency we will be FINISHED and placed on the WAIT LIST!!
Yee Haw!! Here's to our tortoise style paperwork race...we're almost there!!!!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Improvement = Happy Dance
Fredrik's philosophy has been to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I married a smart man. Today hoping for the best paid off. Things are improving.
This was posted on our agency's news blog a couple days ago:
Good News out of Ethiopia!!
In addition to this good news, we understand that today MoWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) wrote 25 letters which is an improvement from above. Things are looking up.
Happy Friday All.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Little Brown Sparrow/Game Changer
I sat down to write this post and said to Fredrik, "I don't know how to begin."
He responded, "I know, I thought about writing too but it's just too hard."
At that exact moment we heard a flutter at our front door. I thought someone had slipped us a flyer for discounted pizza, but when Fredrik opened the door he found a stunned little brown sparrow who had crashed into our door looking up at him. I took the little bird some water and cooked rice and tried to speak to him in a comforting voice. After a few minutes he flew from our porch to the hood of our car. I hope he makes it...
As I walked back to the computer, something about the timing of the bird crashing into our front door and our writing block/denial of our current situation struck me as poignant, and I began to cry. On this week of feeling dejected, disoriented and confused ourselves, the lesson we were given tonight: our help and a simple kind deed is always needed...even close to home.
This week it was confirmed that Ethiopia is reducing intercountry adoption by 90%. The government agency MOWA has decided to reduce the number of adoptions it processes daily from 40 a day to 5.
Yes, let that sink in.
We aren't sure if this is a permanent change, we can only hope and trust that it is not. We can only hope and trust that this decision is something that will ensure completely ethical adoptions across the board. We can only hope and trust that it's done with the best interest of Ethiopia's children. We can only hope and trust...
We understand that there has been no change at the speed of which referrals or matches are being made. So what does this mean for us with the current new ruling? We could still get matched to our little Mamoosh within the next 12-18 months, but then it could take years (possibly 4-5 at the rate of only 5 adoptions processed per day. Yes, we did the math) to get a court date for us to go to Ethiopia and get him. We are hoping and trusting that the ruling won't stick. We are hoping and trusting...
I can't mentally go to the place of being matched with our son, seeing his picture but not being able to bring him home for years. Okay, I've gone there...and it wasn't pretty.
But, we're still hoping and trusting...
We continue to wonder what is going to happen to Ethiopia's 5 million orphans who need homes right now, tonight. Who is giving them a bath, reading them a story, and tucking them safely in bed? Who is kissing them goodnight and loving them the way only parents can, the way EVERY child should be loved.
I understand the need to clean up adoption practices, and I want ALL adoptions to be completely ethical and utterly necessary, but how is slowing down the process after the kids have been matched to their prospective families going to help?
Fredrik and I fully believe that we are not the best option for our future son. Obviously, being with his birth parents or extended family in his birth country would be best, but we believe that we ARE the best alternative for some child, for our little Mamoosh. We want to get our hands on him and wrap our love around him as soon as possible. With the current change it could be years.
What can you do?
You can sign this petition: http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html
And you can keep the 5 million children in Ethiopia who need families in your thoughts and prayers, as well as the people making tough decisions regarding the welfare of so many...
The Little Brown Sparrow (Excerpt)
One green April mornin', when I was a young boy
I lay by the window, a-watchin' the rain
And I wondered if ever the sun would come shinin'
So I could go somewhere to play
Then down from the sky flew a little brown sparrow
And he lit on the branch of an old willow tree
And he sit there, watchin', as I lay wond'rin'
Just the little brown sparrow and me
On a green April mornin', when I was a young boy
And little brown sparrows were free
Bill Fries/Chip Davis
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Changing horses midstream
So. It's been a while. We've been spinning wheels. We've made no progress. We've been frustrated. We're changing agencies.
Right after Christmas our previous agency hit a snag when one of their cases fell under investigation by the Ethiopian government. We don't know the nature of the investigation, but we believe them when they say they were following all the rules, regulations, and ethical guidelines. We did tons of research and our previous agency is one of the most well established and highly rated agencies dealing with Ethiopian adoptions in the country, but Ethiopia is cracking down and that is a good thing.
We were told they hoped the investigation would take 2 weeks and until the investigation is cleared up there would be no placements, referrals, court dates, nada... Everything came to a halt. That was two days after Christmas and still no movement.
We so badly want this paperwork behind us. We were soooo close to finishing our paperwork having done our homestudy and having most of our dossier completed, but the previous agency needed our agency application completed which involved paying a big chunk of change, and we felt uneasy committing more financially to an agency with a case under investigation.
Enter Steve and Susan.
I met Steve and Susan at Jivamukti Yoga. (Second note to self of this nature: good things come when you just go to class) Steve and Susan are also adopting from Ethiopia, and will soon be returning to Ethiopia to bring their boy home with them. I can't tell you how excited Fredrik and I are to find another family adopting from Ethiopia! Another family to help us celebrate Ethiopian holidays, another family that will look like us, another family who will have lived a similar process. We've chatted, emailed, sweated and omed next to each other in yoga, and finally we had dinner. We picked their brains, they shared many stories, opinions, pictures and videos.
So now, after much thought, several phone calls and more research, we're switching to their agency. It feels good to have some forward motion again, even if we have to redo some things.
Not only have we switched agencies, and met Steve and Susan....we've been in touch with yet another family here in little ole Charleston with two small boys from Ethiopia! They tell us there are more families in the area. We are giddy with this news. Kysa and I are meeting Evelyn and K tomorrow for a playdate. I can't wait!
So even though we may have stalled out and possibly even backtracked a bit in the paperwork department, we have at least progressed in making a community for Mamoosh and our family, and that feels big. Really big.
And in the meantime as we feel frustrated that even the paperwork is taking longer than expected, I keep telling myself She is always on time....
Right after Christmas our previous agency hit a snag when one of their cases fell under investigation by the Ethiopian government. We don't know the nature of the investigation, but we believe them when they say they were following all the rules, regulations, and ethical guidelines. We did tons of research and our previous agency is one of the most well established and highly rated agencies dealing with Ethiopian adoptions in the country, but Ethiopia is cracking down and that is a good thing.
We were told they hoped the investigation would take 2 weeks and until the investigation is cleared up there would be no placements, referrals, court dates, nada... Everything came to a halt. That was two days after Christmas and still no movement.
We so badly want this paperwork behind us. We were soooo close to finishing our paperwork having done our homestudy and having most of our dossier completed, but the previous agency needed our agency application completed which involved paying a big chunk of change, and we felt uneasy committing more financially to an agency with a case under investigation.
Enter Steve and Susan.
I met Steve and Susan at Jivamukti Yoga. (Second note to self of this nature: good things come when you just go to class) Steve and Susan are also adopting from Ethiopia, and will soon be returning to Ethiopia to bring their boy home with them. I can't tell you how excited Fredrik and I are to find another family adopting from Ethiopia! Another family to help us celebrate Ethiopian holidays, another family that will look like us, another family who will have lived a similar process. We've chatted, emailed, sweated and omed next to each other in yoga, and finally we had dinner. We picked their brains, they shared many stories, opinions, pictures and videos.
So now, after much thought, several phone calls and more research, we're switching to their agency. It feels good to have some forward motion again, even if we have to redo some things.
Not only have we switched agencies, and met Steve and Susan....we've been in touch with yet another family here in little ole Charleston with two small boys from Ethiopia! They tell us there are more families in the area. We are giddy with this news. Kysa and I are meeting Evelyn and K tomorrow for a playdate. I can't wait!
So even though we may have stalled out and possibly even backtracked a bit in the paperwork department, we have at least progressed in making a community for Mamoosh and our family, and that feels big. Really big.
And in the meantime as we feel frustrated that even the paperwork is taking longer than expected, I keep telling myself She is always on time....
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Remembering The Visitor
I begin this post by admitting I watched The View recently. Not only did I watch The View, but something Whoopi Goldberg said rocked me to my core. Teachers and teachings show up at the strangest times, and this teaching had me weeping as I spoon-fed Kysa pureed mango. Please bear with me, we will transcend.
Two years ago this week I had a miscarriage. Miscarriage talk makes people uncomfortable, and so does spirituality, both of which are the subjects of this post. I get it. But this blog is not only for our community, it's for our children to read someday, and this story is part of my history, my family's history, and ultimately Mamoosh's* history.
*Mamoosh means baby in Amhraic.
The anniversary of the miscarriage is not something I mark in my calendar to remind myself to mourn, but three major things happened that week to always remind me. Fredrik always has a big-deal annual conference in New York. It consumes him for the entire week from early in the morning until late at night. Ironically, we lost our first pregnancy on the day of Obama's inauguration and the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day. So bittersweet, and looking back, so poignantly perfect as a landmark to remember The Visitor.
After getting the news, a hug, and a shot from my doctor, I walked home from 5th Ave across the Upper East Side the harsh cold a contrast to my hot tears. I made a brief call to Fredrik confirming what we feared the most, and I climbed the stairs to our 5th story walk-up to watch Hope and Change take the highest office in the land. I was happy for the distraction but mostly grateful for the good dose of Hope in the face of my dispair, as well as Michelle Obama's good fashion sense. And Aretha Franklin's hat. I mean, really...
Maybe it was all the talk of hope that kept me from burying my head under the covers and staying there. In reality, I was terrified I couldn't have children, and to me that was the worst sentence. Ever. I knew in my bones I was meant to be a mother, but I was sad and frightened that I might not be. That's when I came to realize I didn't care how Fredrik and I were to become parents....I just wanted to be one, and I didn't want to wait.
The next week I spent alone mourning and recovering physically and emotionally, while poor sad Fredrik worked his butt off at the conference. One night he came home and I announced that I wanted to explore adoption. We talked and agreed it was something we'd like to consider. The following day I spent curled up with the laptop researching adoption. I watched "gotcha day" videos on YouTube, I read adoption blogs much like this one, and I cried good, healthy, cleansing tears because I was touched and moved and inspired. Obama's words from the day before still ringing in my ears, I began to feel like I/we could turn our bad luck into something good.
At some point during my YouTube marathon, I fixated on Ethiopia. It was as if Ethiopia reached out of the computer and grabbed me by my heartstrings. I can't really explain it, but I just couldn't get enough of those babies. Ethiopia and her children simply grabbed me. Ethiopia chose me/us.
I announced to Fredrik that night that I wanted to adopt from Ethiopia. I think he was still processing the miscarriage, but he listened to his red and puffy-eyed wife speak hopefully, and I think he was grateful for a little light in the face of our sadness.
Fredrik being the patient and more pragmatic half of the relationship, suggested we go to a workshop on international adoption and explore our options. We did, and confirmed what we thought we wanted. Yes. Adopt. Ethiopia. We hadn't given up on trying to conceive a child, but we knew very quickly we just wanted to be parents. So we'd try both. Yes, we're the type people who wait to the last minute to start a family and then suddenly demand from the universe: Okay, BABY NOW!
In the meantime, in my spiritual/yoga practice I invoked Ganesha, The Remover of Obstacles, The Lord of New Beginnings. For those of you not familiar with yogic philosophy, the yogis believe that God/The Universe is too big a concept to grasp as a singular being, and so the various deities are aspects, archetypes, or particular traits of the God/The Universe. Ganesha, in particular, puts obstacles in your path to help you grow or evolve toward enlightenment. Likewise, Ganesha removes the obstacles when you have learned the lesson.
I am not sure when I started praying my prayer, or repeating this mantra but for the next few months, through my deep sadness, all I could repeat was: please let me be open to receiving the lesson I'm suppose to learn, Om Gan Ganapatye Namah, please let me be open to receiving the lesson I'm suppose to learn. I even got Ganesha tattooed on the inside of my wrist to remind me.
Fast forward to August: Walking through Budapest I tell Fredrik I think we're pregnant (like 1 day pregnant). I was right.
Fast forward nine months: Kysa is born and we're blissfully and thankfully a family of three.
Fast forward four months: We seamlessly remind ourselves of our desire to adopt. Fredrik and I can't remember how and when we decided it was "time" it just happened. We jumped.
Fast forward to just a couple weeks ago: I'm feeding Kysa pureed mango and The View is on in the background. I hear Whoopi Goldberg telling Bill and Giuliana Rancic (who were discusing their recent miscarriage) the words that rocked me to my core. She said she believes the precious beings who come to visit us for a short period of time are sent to help get us ready for our future children. "Are you ready? Are you really ready?" they ask.
I felt like The Universe had just graded my proverbial paper. I got it. I had received the lesson. We needed to loose a pregnancy in order to set us on the path to adoption. I don't know if it would have happened otherwise. The Visitor came into our lives for a short but purposeful time to make way for Mamoosh, and I will be forever grateful for that blessing.
Two years later (last week), Fredrik returned to New York for that same conference. This time I wasn't alone, Kysa was warm and cozy in my arms, and Mamoosh is on his way.
Allison
Two years ago this week I had a miscarriage. Miscarriage talk makes people uncomfortable, and so does spirituality, both of which are the subjects of this post. I get it. But this blog is not only for our community, it's for our children to read someday, and this story is part of my history, my family's history, and ultimately Mamoosh's* history.
*Mamoosh means baby in Amhraic.
The anniversary of the miscarriage is not something I mark in my calendar to remind myself to mourn, but three major things happened that week to always remind me. Fredrik always has a big-deal annual conference in New York. It consumes him for the entire week from early in the morning until late at night. Ironically, we lost our first pregnancy on the day of Obama's inauguration and the day after Martin Luther King Jr. day. So bittersweet, and looking back, so poignantly perfect as a landmark to remember The Visitor.
After getting the news, a hug, and a shot from my doctor, I walked home from 5th Ave across the Upper East Side the harsh cold a contrast to my hot tears. I made a brief call to Fredrik confirming what we feared the most, and I climbed the stairs to our 5th story walk-up to watch Hope and Change take the highest office in the land. I was happy for the distraction but mostly grateful for the good dose of Hope in the face of my dispair, as well as Michelle Obama's good fashion sense. And Aretha Franklin's hat. I mean, really...
Maybe it was all the talk of hope that kept me from burying my head under the covers and staying there. In reality, I was terrified I couldn't have children, and to me that was the worst sentence. Ever. I knew in my bones I was meant to be a mother, but I was sad and frightened that I might not be. That's when I came to realize I didn't care how Fredrik and I were to become parents....I just wanted to be one, and I didn't want to wait.
The next week I spent alone mourning and recovering physically and emotionally, while poor sad Fredrik worked his butt off at the conference. One night he came home and I announced that I wanted to explore adoption. We talked and agreed it was something we'd like to consider. The following day I spent curled up with the laptop researching adoption. I watched "gotcha day" videos on YouTube, I read adoption blogs much like this one, and I cried good, healthy, cleansing tears because I was touched and moved and inspired. Obama's words from the day before still ringing in my ears, I began to feel like I/we could turn our bad luck into something good.
At some point during my YouTube marathon, I fixated on Ethiopia. It was as if Ethiopia reached out of the computer and grabbed me by my heartstrings. I can't really explain it, but I just couldn't get enough of those babies. Ethiopia and her children simply grabbed me. Ethiopia chose me/us.
I announced to Fredrik that night that I wanted to adopt from Ethiopia. I think he was still processing the miscarriage, but he listened to his red and puffy-eyed wife speak hopefully, and I think he was grateful for a little light in the face of our sadness.
Fredrik being the patient and more pragmatic half of the relationship, suggested we go to a workshop on international adoption and explore our options. We did, and confirmed what we thought we wanted. Yes. Adopt. Ethiopia. We hadn't given up on trying to conceive a child, but we knew very quickly we just wanted to be parents. So we'd try both. Yes, we're the type people who wait to the last minute to start a family and then suddenly demand from the universe: Okay, BABY NOW!
In the meantime, in my spiritual/yoga practice I invoked Ganesha, The Remover of Obstacles, The Lord of New Beginnings. For those of you not familiar with yogic philosophy, the yogis believe that God/The Universe is too big a concept to grasp as a singular being, and so the various deities are aspects, archetypes, or particular traits of the God/The Universe. Ganesha, in particular, puts obstacles in your path to help you grow or evolve toward enlightenment. Likewise, Ganesha removes the obstacles when you have learned the lesson.
I am not sure when I started praying my prayer, or repeating this mantra but for the next few months, through my deep sadness, all I could repeat was: please let me be open to receiving the lesson I'm suppose to learn, Om Gan Ganapatye Namah, please let me be open to receiving the lesson I'm suppose to learn. I even got Ganesha tattooed on the inside of my wrist to remind me.
Fast forward to August: Walking through Budapest I tell Fredrik I think we're pregnant (like 1 day pregnant). I was right.
Fast forward nine months: Kysa is born and we're blissfully and thankfully a family of three.
Fast forward four months: We seamlessly remind ourselves of our desire to adopt. Fredrik and I can't remember how and when we decided it was "time" it just happened. We jumped.
Fast forward to just a couple weeks ago: I'm feeding Kysa pureed mango and The View is on in the background. I hear Whoopi Goldberg telling Bill and Giuliana Rancic (who were discusing their recent miscarriage) the words that rocked me to my core. She said she believes the precious beings who come to visit us for a short period of time are sent to help get us ready for our future children. "Are you ready? Are you really ready?" they ask.
I felt like The Universe had just graded my proverbial paper. I got it. I had received the lesson. We needed to loose a pregnancy in order to set us on the path to adoption. I don't know if it would have happened otherwise. The Visitor came into our lives for a short but purposeful time to make way for Mamoosh, and I will be forever grateful for that blessing.
Two years later (last week), Fredrik returned to New York for that same conference. This time I wasn't alone, Kysa was warm and cozy in my arms, and Mamoosh is on his way.
Allison
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